


Darkness Expectant

by xntricgrrrl



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 10:50:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xntricgrrrl/pseuds/xntricgrrrl
Summary: With his wife pregnant and now under the tutelage of Supreme Leader Snoke, Kylo Ren must return to his previous way of life. Meanwhile, she must begin training with her new master, adjust to he constantly-changing body and master her whirlwind of emotions as she begins the next phase of her journey into The Dark Side.





	1. Arrival

You’re not certain where you are, truthfully. You’d slept most of the trip, cried during the jump to hyperspace and thrown up as you breached the planet’s atmosphere. But as to what planet you’re on, or even what star system you’re in, you have no clue. You’re not even sure you care.  
Wherever you are, Kylo’s shuttle has delivered you safely. You smile at the thought as you disembark. Even though you’re probably light years away from him now, it's comforting to think that he’s somehow still watching over you. And the baby.  
You glance back at the shuttle one last time, and the crews unpacking it preparing it for departure again before looking down at the piece of charred plasteel that you still have clutched in your hand. You know that you have the power of both Kylo and Lord Vader behind you.  
A smiling woman, a little older perhaps than your mother, steps out from the shadows. She bows briefly and mutters the word “Welcome” and calls you something that sounds like it might be “Madam Ren”. You stifle a giggle of disbelief at the title, before she’s enveloping you in a tight embrace. She steps back and examines your tearstained face, tangled hair and too-small gown. Do you have vomit on your hands? “Come on, darling,” she coaxes and she places and arm around you, leading you from the hangar “Come with me. Let’s get you cleaned up and let you rest for a bit.”  
You follow her obediently down a series of hallways, onto a lift and to your quarters. You allow her to keep the conversation going, occasionally nodding mutely at her comments as she leads you on. She tells you that her name in Jenyon and she’ll be your nurse/caretaker while you’re there. She assures you that you’ll have the best of care, that she and a team of both medical and protcol droids will be on call for all your needs.  
“It hasn’t been an easy journey for you,” she sighs. “I know. But you’re here now. And you can relax.”  
If only you could relax, you think. You’re wound so tightly, you feel like a thermal detonator about to explode. But you know there can be no explosion, no release. Not yet. Right now, you need to keep it together. More than one life hangs in the balance. And whatever else Supreme Leader Snoke may do, you have faith that he can complete your training and that you will learn with him. You take a deep breath and push down the blind, screaming panic that is threatening to break through the surface. Later, you will need it. And you will use it.  
Jenyon leads you to your suite of rooms and you’re surprised to see the lodgings appear comfortable, even luxurious compared to your previous quarters on the base. A large sitting area opens onto a smaller kitchenette and a short hallway leads to what you imagine must be the bedroom and bath.  
The few possessions you had in your quarters on the base have been unpacked, a holo, containing some family photos and messages, your datapad and an old, hardbound copy of the Book of Sith. Another gift from Kylo, you think and your fingers tighten their grip around the hunk of plasteel in your hand. Another piece of him that is accompanying you on this part of your journey. You miss him. You miss your mother and Qica too, but the loss of Kylo is palpable. And all the little mementos and reminders of home make his absence all the more painful. You swallow against the bile threatening to rise up in your throat and manage to whisper the words, “I think I’d like to be alone,” before dropping your piece of plasteel to the floor and running to the bath to void what’s left in your stomach… which isn’t much.  
Jenyon holds your hair and rubs your back as the dry heaves wrack your body. “Oh, my girl,” she says in a soothing voice. “You really are not as alone as you feel right now.” She washes your face and leads you, shaky and sweaty back to the bedroom, where she helps you change into a clean nightgown and watches carefully as you climb into the bed.  
As soon as your head hits the pillow, exhaustion overtakes you and makes the room spin. You’re only vaguely aware of Jenyon moving objects around on the bedside table and turn your head to look blearily at her. “When you wake, Honey, your little grey chunk is right beside you.” You smile as you watch her place the piece of Darth Vader’s charred helmet on the table’s surface and the confused look in her eyes at it. She must have noticed when you dropped it.  
“You also have a message from Supreme Leader Snoke here,” she continues. “But…” her voice turns brisk as you watch her remove a syringe from her pocket. “You need to sleep right now.” You helplessly try to bat her away but she grabs you by the wrist with a surprising amount of strength. “You stop that,” she scolds. “It’s just a little bit of Benzodi. It won’t hurt you or the baby. Now you be a good girl and take your medicine.”  
You fall back on the pillow and allow her to inject the sedative into your arm. The effect is almost instantaneous. You surrender to sleep just as you’ve surrendered to so many other things, with the word “Kylo” on your lips.  
You awake several hours or what even feels like several days later. Despite your recently washed face and clean nightgown, you feel filthy. Rolling over in the bed, you notice that it’s grown dark outside your windows and someone has switched on the bedside light. You sit up and rub at your eyes. The plasteel and holo from Supreme Leader Snoke still sit on the nearby table and you decide that now is as good a time to listen to the message. Sitting up in the bed, you balance the base on your knees and activate it.  
The minute figure of the Supreme Leader lights up before you. You’d never seen him look so small. In his holo-chamber on the base, his vast figure always loomed over you. Somehow, seeing him small enough to fit into the palm of your hand brings you a strange sense of comfort.  
“(Y/N),” his low voice intones. “You have made great sacrifices to come to me. No member of The Resistance will dare touch you or your child. You are well hidden and will be well cared for.”  
The base tumbles down from your knees and blinks erratically as it falls onto the bed. Picking it back up, you cup the base in your hands as the image of Snoke flickers back to life.  
“You will be pleased to know that your husband has been informed of your arrival and your safety.” You gasp at the use of the word “Husband” and feel tears fill your eyes.  
Snoke continues in the same deep, droning voice, informing you that you will be seeing your medical droid the next day for a full check-up and then beginning your training with him on the following day. You let his words wash over you as you let your tears fall.  
He ends the message by saying that he’s looking forward to training you and assures you once again of your safety. The hologram goes off and drops from your hands as you begin crying in earnest. All the fear and frustration rises to the surface as you throw yourself back into your pillow and sob.  
Seeing Supreme Leader Snoke’s face and hearing him call Kylo your husband has opened the floodgates and brought a deluge of memories back. You cry for your child and your mother, the fear that they may never even see each other. You cry for Kylo and his safety. If General Organa could find you, what will she do to him? You should be there to protect him, not locked away somewhere on some unknown planet.  
Wiping frantically at your eyes, you take a shuddering breath and try to calm yourself. Giving in to emotion now would only be a waste. Why take it out now on your pillow, twisting it and soaking it with tears, when you you’ll need it later? Bottle it up and shove it down now, you tell yourself. Hone it and sharpen it like a weapon. Your power will gain strength from it. And that is the power you will show to Supreme Leader Snoke.  
You pick up the hologram base and place it back onto the bedside table. You smile slightly at the sight of it, sitting next to the piece of Vader’s mask. Though you may learn from him and your powers will grow, you know precisely where your loyalty remains. Snoke may not know it, but he’s already begun your training.


	2. Qica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Left alone with his wife's pittin, Kylo must tame the creature and reach a level of understanding with her. It is, after all, just the two of them now.

Kylo Ren has faced a myriad of enemies, from Resistance fighters, to traitorous Storm Troopers, to his own father. Most opponents are easily defeated, but never has the formidable leader of the Knights of Ren met an enemy quite as fearsome as this one.   
She sits across from him, staring him down with a pair of gray eyes, defiant yet full of mystery. And so like those of her mistress, that Kylo feels his heart contract at the sight of her.   
“Qica,” he orders, holding out a hand to the small gray pittin. “Here.” She continues staring at his outstretched hand and flicks her tail, but otherwise makes no move to come any closer. “Look,” Kylo kneels on the floor in front of her as she backs away several paces and hisses. “You and I have to make an effort to get along. (Y/N) left you in my charge and when she returns…” Kylo pauses, losing himself briefly in thoughts of her return. In thoughts of her.   
He had received the transmission earlier, telling him that she had reached her destination safely, though where that was, he had no way of knowing. If he sat quietly and reached out, he could almost feel her through the Force. He knows that their bond, their lives and the life of their child was greater than any distance.  
As his mind wanders, Qica sneaks closer to his hand, sniffing the air around it. “At any rate,” Kylo continues briskly, startling Qica and sending her scurrying back several feet away from him and into a corner. “It’s just us now.” She glares at him through wide eyes and hisses softly again.   
But Kylo Ren is nothing if not patient. Whether it’s cutting down enemies in battles or slowly penetrating someone’s mind, if his prey is within sight, he will have it. He briefly entertains the thought of using the Force to pull her towards him, but thinks better of it. With thoughts of (Y/N)’s return still in the back of his mind, Kylo hates to think of what she’d do to him if she found he’d been tormenting her pittin.   
It takes several minutes more of coaxing, softly spoken words and wiggling fingers to lure her back to him. Cautiously she sniffs his outstretched fingertips before allowing him the briefest of head-scratches. She looks up into Kylo’s face, swats at his hand and runs away.  
Kylo may be patient, but he also knows when he is beaten. Tossing a nearby fluffy toy at Qica he gives up the battle and rises to his feet. Qica runs away in pursuit of the toy and disappears down the hallway.   
Kylo had never planned on having a pittin. Nor had he ever planned on having a pregnant wife. But circumstances had their own way of changing and in seemingly no time at all, (Y/N) had been shipped away to Supreme Leader Snoke and Kylo had ordered Qica and all her belongings into his quarters. He supposed he could have given the pittin back to (Y/N)’s mother, but he had given his word. And he would make sure she was well cared for until her return. If he’s being totally honest with himself, Kylo has to admit it’s nice to have the company. Like a small piece of (Y/N) is still around.  
He sinks into a nearby chair, again losing himself in thoughts of her. She’d become such a fixture in his life. Concentrating on her training during the day and worshipping her body at night. He’d never planned on falling in love with his apprentice. And though he trusts Supreme Leader Snoke to continue her training, just as he trusted him to know that he was in love with her, he can’t help but worry. Worry about her and about their unborn child. He wants to be there to support her throughout her pregnancy and, he is loath to admit it, but he wants to be there to witness her hormonal mood swings and be able to talk her down. Will Snoke find her emotional outbursts and proclivity towards tears as endearing as he does? Kylo does not think so. He misses her.   
That night Kylo awakens from one of his usual nightmares, sitting upright in the bed and panting. Judging by the sound of skittering claws across the floor, Qica had been on the bed with him, but had been frightened away when he awoke. Switching on the bedside light, he notices a spot near the foot of the bed covered in grey fur. She’ll deign to sleep next to him but won’t let him touch her. She truly is (Y/N)’s cat. Just as emotional and contrary as her mistress. He again allows his mind to wander back to thoughts of her, how she would comfort him after he would awaken from the nightmares, whispering soothing words or fucking him into oblivion until he forgot. He falls asleep with her image in her mind and her name on his lips. He is certain that, whatever the distance, she can still feel him as he feels her.  
The next morning, the bed is empty and Qica is nowhere to be seen. Assuming she must be sulking somewhere, Kylo refills her food and water dishes and goes about his day. He figures she can’t be forced and will warm up to him on her own terms. So very much like her mistress, Kylo muses as he leaves his quarters.  
Several days pass as Kylo eases back into his old routine. He still misses (Y/N) with an ache that sometimes keeps him awake at night, but he doesn’t find it overly difficult to acclimate to how his life was before her arrival. His days are filled with combat training, overseeing troops with Captain Phasma and reminding himself not to fall out of practice using the Force (He still senses her presence every time and can almost feel her touch reaching out to him).   
Another brief message from Supreme Leader Snoke tells him that she and the baby are both doing well and nothing more. Kylo wonders about the lack of communication from the Supreme Leader and what he might be keeping from him. He would like to hear form (Y/N) herself, but he’s certain she is under very strict surveillance and he isn’t sure how to get a message to her, other than to go through Snoke. Even though he doesn’t know her location, Kylo is wary of any action that may compromise or reveal it to the Resistance.   
The furry spot on the bed grows larger and denser and Kylo knows that, despite any obvious show of affection, Qica is still sharing the bed with him. One night, he awakens to a light pressure on his chest. Rather that slapping it away, as is his first instinct, Kylo waits. Peering into the darkness, he can just discern her outline as she sleeps curled in a ball, her tail wrapped around her body. Cautiously, Kylo reaches out a hand toward Qica’s sleeping form. He breathing is deep and even as she continues to sleep.   
Laying his fingers on her head, Kylo slowly strokes her from her ears to her tail. She awakes at the sudden touch, stands and shakes her head. Kylo withdraws he hand and remains still. Qica stretches and Kylo winces as he claws dig into his flesh. She turns to look at his face and gives a solitary meow. Kylo reaches out to her again, this time gently scratching her ears.   
She walks up his chest and curls up by his face. He can hear her purr as he turns his head to face her. She is soft and smells like (Y/N). Kylo buries his face in her fur as he struggles to fight back tears. Qica licks him on the forehead, and he finds himself oddly comforted as he strokes his fingers through her grey fur. “I know,” Kylo whispers. “I miss her too.”


	3. A Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo receives his first message from his wife since her departure. Overwhelmed by the sight and sound of her, he feels her presence around him.

The hologram is delivered to his door by a masked and armored stormtrooper and Kylo knows immediately who it must be from. He sets the base on the table in his sitting room and eases himself into the nearby chair.  
“Hello, Kylo…” He watches you blink furiously and swallow before your face crumples into familiar lines and tears fill your eyes. “I miss you,” you continue, swallowing hard. Kylo watches as you wipe your eyes and can’t help reaching out a hand toward your holographic image.   
He wishes you were here, so he could hold you and wipe your tears himself. Even though it only been a few weeks since he’s seen you last, and Kylo knows next to nothing about pregnancies, he longs to see all the ways your body is changing and to discover new ways of pleasuring you.  
He imagines your stomach growing rounder and your curves filling out. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair, adjusting himself against the growing hardness between his legs. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Kylo forces himself to concentrate and focus on your words.   
“Everything is going well here. Baby and I are both fine.” Kylo finds your newly developed habit of resting your hands protectively on your stomach to be adorable, but is frustrated that he is unable to be there to do the same. Your holograph pauses and scratches its head. “Supreme Leader Snoke is an amazing teacher,” you continue. “He’s incredibly powerful and it’s mind-boggling to get to train directly with him. I guess I’m really lucky in that aspect.” You pause for several seconds and sigh before continuing. “But he’s not you.”  
Kylo feels his heart contract at the sadness in your voice. “I know all this is for the best, but I just… I want to see you. I just want to feel you and know that you are near and FUCK, Kylo, I just want you. Just as much as I always have. In every single way.”  
Kylo shifts in his seat again, this time, palming the bulge in his trousers as he hangs on your every word.  
“Being pregnant doesn’t change anything,” your voice is breathless as you shake your head, tears still in your eyes. Kylo watches your eyes widen as you bring a hand up to brush your cheek. “If anything, it makes it worse. I dream about you all the time. I can almost see you with me, but not quite.”   
Your words disappear and your voice fades to a dull whine as Kylo glances around his quarters and then eases himself out of his trousers. He’s already hard, just imagining you lying awake at night, thinking about him, possibly touching yourself as you do.   
He’s never really done this before. Of course, he’d had the urge, when he was younger, but his training in the Jedi Order strictly forbade anything like it. He’d heard the other apprentices talk about it, but was always too dedicated in his studies to stray down the dark path of self-love and the accompanying self-destruction.   
He strokes himself slowly from the base of his cock to the tip, spreading the accumulating bead of moisture over the head. He can feel you just as much as he feels his own fingers. The room around him vibrates and glows with your presence.   
“Gods, (Y/N),” he groans as he twists his wrist, trembling fingertips brushing just under the sensitive head. “I can feel you! Fuck, you’re here, aren’t you baby?”  
Your holographic image continues talking, going on about your training, your health and medical checkups and how much you miss him. Meanwhile, beads of sweat have broken out on Kylo’s forehead as strokes himself in earnest.  
Leaning back in his chair and pushing his hips further into his touch, Kylo lets his head fall forward, chin resting on his chest, and focuses on the sight of his leather clad fingers wrapped around his swollen cock. Beyond that, your blurry hologram continues talking, gesturing vaguely as your voice rises and falls.  
The air in the room is thick and Kylo can feel his orgasm building, tendrils of pleasure curling low in his belly, creeping their way into his loins. Aching for release, he twists his wrist again, faster this time, feeling every subtle shift in speed and pressure up his entire length.  
Pumping his cock with one hand, Kylo reaches the other toward the table and hologram, fingers stretching toward your minute image. He pictures how your eyes squeeze shut and your mouth falls open as your own orgasms approach. He can feel that mouth now, his tongue and taste mingling with yours.   
He can feel your fingers on him and the tight heat of your cunt as it contracts around him. His fingers squeeze tighter as he moved his hand faster up and down his length. Kylo mutters your name, repeating it over and over like a prayer, at last crying out into the empty room as he spills, hot and sticky over his fingers. He sees your face clearly as the smell of his seed fills his nose and makes his head spin. He feels you on every inch of him, wrapped around him, leaving him breathless and panting as he unwraps his hand from himself.  
Leaning forward in his chair, Kylo places his shaking hands on his knees and breaths deeply, heedless of the cum now smearing his trousers. He can feel both the Force and your presence receding as he stares at his softening cock.  
Whispering your name a final time, Kylo tucks himself back into his trousers and rises unsteadily to his feet. He makes his way to the washroom to clean up. Smiling to himself, he is secure in the knowledge that you are still his.


	4. First Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's wife is settling into her new home and new routine. Alone in unfamiliar surroundings,she must navigate her way, trusting in the Force and the scant training she's already received. Her trails are just beginning, but her faith in her new husband and their child will not be shaken.

No sooner have you wiped your tears and hardened your resolve, than a shadow fills your bedroom door way as someone makes their way into the room. You heart stutters at first, remembering how Kylo would appear in your room, his enormous form, filling the entire door frame.   
But it’s only Jenyon, your new caretaker this time, bearing a tray of food and a warm smile. “Well, you’ve had quite a sleep there,” she says as she sets the tray down on your bed and sits down next to you. “But now you do need to eat something. You need to keep up your strength… for yourself and the little one.” She looks fondly at your stomach and you instinctively pull the blanket up higher.  
Of course, she’s already told you that her job is to take care of you, but you’re not sure if you entirely trust Jenyon. You can’t help wondering how much of her job is also doing Supreme Leader Snoke’s bidding. And you’d just rather keep her at arms’ length if you can.  
“Have you listened to your message?” she asks as she hands you the glass of Bantha milk from the tray. You drink the blue liquid greedily, surprised by how thirsty you are and nod.   
“Excellent,” she continues as she stands and removes the hologram from your bedside table. “Tomorrow, you’ll see your medical droid, we’ll assess your health, get you going on some prenatal injections. You’ll be fine.”  
You nod again as you grab for the Fringi spice cake on the tray and take a large bite. Jenyon remains standing, towering over you, hands on her hips. “Supreme Leader Snoke is eager to begin your training,” she continues. “But your health and that of your child are of paramount importance to him.” She smiles down at you, eyes flicking to your stomach. “We all want what’s best for you.”  
After unnecessarily straightening the covers on the bed and giving you a motherly pat on the arm, Jenyon leaves you to demolish the rest of your food. You can’t believe how hungry you are too. Pregnancy is by far the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you, you marvel as you set your empty tray on the small table in the sitting room. And the circumstances surrounding it, make it all the stranger.  
You yawn and wander back to the bedroom. Not sure if you’re just exhausted from the evens of the last few days or still feeling the lingering effects of the Benzodi. Whatever the cause, you fall back into bed and snuggle under the covers. The bed is wonderfully soft and sleep reclaims you within minutes.  
The next morning, after a brief breakfast, Jenyon arrives at your quarters to escort you to your physical, the first of many pregnancy-related appointments. The medical droid, a gleaming 2-1B unit, puts your body through the paces. Blood work to test your organ functions, a pelvic exam, that prenatal shot that Jenyon had mentioned earlier and, of course, imaging of your uterus and the baby.  
“She is remarkably healthy,” the droid tells Jenyon as she stands by, patting your hand. “And so it the child. All organ systems are developing at a normal rate. Gestation is 45 days.” You smile vaguely, counting backwards in your head, wondering. Was it that day after the meeting with General Hux, when you let Kylo vent his frustration on your body and have his way with you. Or perhaps it was the spontaneous encounter in the supply closet after you’d been flashing him teasing looks all morning. You remember how he’d held you up against the wall, pulling up your skirts past your waist as he thrust into you.  
A thought suddenly pops into your head. A thought about your birth control and its efficacy. But it’s quickly banished when the droid asks, “Would you like to know the child’s gender?”  
You stare at him in surprise. It never even occurred to you that you could find out such a thing this early in your pregnancy. Jenyon’s voice breaks your reverie. “Oh, we already know that.”  
“We do?!” you exclaimed as your shocked gaze turns from the droid to her. Jenyon nods and smiles knowingly down at you. “You do,” she tells you. “Reach inward,” she says, as her voice takes on a lower, more soothing quality. “You know.”  
Placing your hands gently over your stomach, you draw a deep breath. You close your eyes, you reach into the Force, feeling it envelop you and the life within you. The faintest heartbeat, small fingers and toes, large dark eyes.  
You gasp as your eyes fly open. “It’s… a boy!” Looking down at your midsection in amazement, your watch as your fingers clench, digging into the soft flesh there.   
Jenyon nods again. “Like his father.”  
“His father,” you marvel as you feel tears fill your eyes. Your mind is filled with a vision of the same large eyes, full lips and dark hair. “I hope he looks like him. His eyes, his hair.”  
“His power,” Jenyon’s voice comes from above and you look up at her and smile, eager to share the moment with someone. Anyone.  
Wiping your eyes, you sniff. “Does Kylo know?” you ask. The thought of him finding out the baby’s gender without you makes your heart clench. “Not yet,” she shakes her head. “But he will know soon enough. Just as you know.” You take that to mean that you are somehow not allowed to tell him yourself. That the Force will tell him, that the baby himself will tell him.  
Frustration wells up inside you. While it’s true that nothing about your relationship with Kylo had been very conventional, you wish that he could be here with you at this moment. His hand resting protectively on you shoulder instead of this strange Jenyon woman’s. Instinctively, you lean away from her touch, wiping your tears again.   
“Don’t worry, Dear,” she sooths as she withdraws her hand. “We can send him a message in a few days. Let’s get you settled into your routine first and make sure you’re healthy. Then we can look at other things.”  
You nod vaguely, knowing full well you have other means of communicating with Kylo, and far more effective ways than holograms. But you exist within the Force. And though some have been taught to manipulate it, you were trained to cooperate with it. Even if you were to scream the words, “Kylo, it’s a BOY!” in the middle of the med bay, you doubt he would get the message. Not until he was ready to receive it, anyway.  
The Benzodi may have dulled your senses the first night, but you know it’s only a matter of time before you start dreaming about Kylo and seeing his face when you close your eyes at night. You have a piece of him with you always in the child. A stronger tie than even the melted piece of plasteel from Lord Vader’s helmet that he gave you. The three of you, bound in blood and wrapped in the Force, united in darkness.   
The medical droid returns to his work at the nearby counter, organizing instruments and entering numbers on his datapad. Without his saying so, you know your appointment is over and you’ve been excused. “Come on, love,” Jenyon urges as she places a hand behind your elbow and gently eases you off the exam table.  
“You’ve had a busy morning,” she says, coaxing you out the door and down the hall, away from Med Bay. “Let’s get you back to your quarters. You have should a small, mid-morning snack waiting there for you.” You nod, realizing that you are hungry and marveling once again at the strangeness of pregnancy.   
“It’s important to remember that both you and that baby need nourishment,” she continues. “So, several small meals a day is best. After you eat, I think another nap might be a good idea.”  
You’ll sleep if she tells you to. You’re here to do whatever they tell you. If you sleep, maybe you’ll dream about him. You allow Jenyon to lead you down the hall, following in her wake and bolstered by the days new discoveries. You know the Force is with you and you know that the spirits of a small baby it his tall and terrifying father are watching over you.


	5. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the course of a single day, Kylo attempts to continue with his old routine. But things take an unexpected turn when he comes face-to-face with one of his newest relatives.

Kylo sits across the table from General Hux, scowling at the red-haired man through his mask. Ostensibly, the two are supposed to be going off the preliminary plans for an upcoming mission to a supposed Resistance camp.   
But Klyo is merely glowering and contributing the occasional nod to the conversation, while Hux continues in a clipped voice about the pilots and their flight patterns. Kylo finds the general even more irritating than usual today.  
He misses (Y/N). He can almost see here standing behind Hux’s chair, hands clasped respectfully in front of her and eyes downcast. Kylo can picture her teasing him throughout the entire meeting, looking up from her obedient pose to wink or stick her tongue out at him. He sighs, the sound amplified behind the mask.  
“I’m sorry, Commander Ren, am I boring you?” Kylo’s mind snaps back to attention at the sound of Hux’s words and the abrupt change in his tone. Kylo stares back at him for several seconds, debating how he truly wants to answer that question. “Not at all, General. I was merely contemplating the accompanying land strike and how satisfying it will be to kill them individually.”   
“Indeed.” Hux smooths out a nonexistent wrinkle in his uniform as smiles grimly at Kylo. “But we can’t let our bloodlust cloud our vision when it comes to other… aspects of this mission. Hux worries too much about details, Kylo thinks to himself. Capture the valuable ones and kill the rest. It doesn’t have to be so needlessly complicated.   
“Now if I may resume?” Hux slides Kylo’s datapad closer to him, inclining his head toward the battle plans displayed on the screen and continues. Within moments, Kylo allows himself to drift back into a stupor. Perhaps if he pictured (Y/N) standing behind Hux’s chair, naked…  
Later that afternoon, after a particularly violent sparring session with Captain Phasma, she and Kylo sit, panting on the training room floor. Kylo knows that, before her departure, (Y/N) had begun to develop a friendship with Phasma. And though he normally finds the captain to be little more than a skilled leader and viscous soldier, these days, he finds her company almost comforting. And he savors whatever small links to (Y/N) he can find.  
“Are you all right?” she asks him, as she removes her helmet and pushes her sweaty hair back from her forehead. Phasma is among the handful of First Order elite that knows that (Y/N) has been sent away, though only Kylo knows why and is still the only person privy to the events leading up to her departure.   
Kylo nods, flexing his fingers within his gloves. “I am,” he answers. “I miss her. Very much. But keeping busy, resuming my former schedule… helps.” Kylo has found that, in addition to keeping up with his command duties, physical training has also been beneficial. Whether hand-to-hand, or lightsaber, with or without a partner, he finds that it almost wears him out. Most nights, he’s still plagued with the same nightmares, and without (Y/N) to comfort him, sleep eludes him even more. But some nights, especially after particularly hard training sessions, Kylo’s mind allows him to sleep.   
Phasma nods sympathetically. “She is an extraordinary woman. You are lucky to have her.” Kylo secretly thanks Phasma for her use of the present tense. Though he’s certain of their imminent reunion and her return, Kylo knows that Phasma knows nothing beyond “She left to continue her training with Supreme Leader Snoke.” Kylo appreciates her faith in both him, (Y/N) and the bond between them. He feels his respect for Phasma growing.  
“She is lucky to have you too,” Phasma continues. “Without you, her training would not have progressed. She would never be where she is today.” Phasma pauses and Kylo lets her choice of words sink in.   
If it wasn’t for him, Kylo thinks. Pregnant and alone, facing trials she has no idea of. She never would be in this situation were it not for him. If Kylo had left well enough alone and not fallen in love with his apprentice, neither of them would be in this situation.   
In addition to being one of the few people that knew about her departure, Captain Phasma was also among the even fewer that knew that Kylo and (Y/N)’s relationship had changed when it did.  
“I do hope you don’t blame yourself for all this.” Phasma continues. “As if somehow, something went wrong. Everything happened the exact way it was supposed to. And to think anything else would be a waste of time and energy.”  
Kylo considers her words very carefully.   
The evening finds Kylo alone in his quarters, contemplating taking out his grandfather’s old mask and meditating on it for a while. He is just about to rise from his chair to retrieve it when he hears a commotion outside his door, the sound of pounding fists and raised voices.   
“Kylo Ren, you open this door immediately! I don’t care who you are or what you command! And I don’t need to use the Force. I will choke you with my bare hands until you tell me where my daughter is!”   
“Madam, please step away from the door!” comes a much lower voice, presumably that of a passing storm trooper or officer who is trying to intervene.   
Suddenly the door bursts from its tracks, flying inward, throwing sparks into Kylo’s room.   
Of course, Kylo’s heard of her and her work with his grandfather, he’s heard (Y/N) talk about her and even seen her a few times around the base. But he never thought that his first meeting with his mother-in-law would be like this.  
She steps over the threshold and Kylo can feel the Force move with her. He knows her training has been only minimal, as Lord Vader was killed before she could become a full-fledged member of The Inquisitorious. He knows that her powers are probably sporadic at best and, at times like this, fueled only by extreme emotion. He also knows that she just blew his door apart and now is not the time to push her.   
“Leave us,” he orders the baffled trooper, who stands behind her, hand on his blaster.   
Even with her face twisted with rage, she looks like her daughter. The same bone structure, the same color eyes. The familiarity takes Kylo by surprise and he wants to reach out to her, to embrace her and mourn the loss of (Y/N) together.   
“Where… is… she?” she whispers, eyes trained on Kylo’s face. “Take off that cursed mask, look me in the eye and tell me where my daughter is.” Her voice cracks and Kylo can see the tears in her eyes.   
Kylo takes a deep breath and steadies himself. He needs to be the rational one in this conversation, needs to talk her down like he’s done so many times with her daughter. Only then, after her fury abates, can they reach any state of understanding.   
“Sit down,” Kylo tells her and then hastily adds a “please” as he watches he eyes narrow and lips purse. Eyes never leaving Kylo, she slowly lowers herself into a nearby chair. Kylo sits across from her and removes his mask. He watches her face go from furious to uncertain, watches the spark of recognition cross her features. But he doesn’t have time to react. He knows he looks like his traitorous parents and he hates himself for it.  
He takes another steadying breath. “The Resistance found out she was here,” he says in a low voice, all too aware of the face that the doors to his quarters lie in a smoldering heap on the floor and any random passerby could hear them. “They sent her a message. And we had to evacuate her before they came for her.”  
“The Resistance,” (M/N) whispers. “I was so afraid that would happen. Where is she now?”  
“I don’t…” Kylo shakes his head. “I don’t know. She was sent to Supreme Leader Snoke, to continue her training. He will protect her.”  
“How did they know?” (M/N) asks. She leans over in her seat, hands covering her face. She’s still for several seconds before looking back up at Kylo. “We were so careful.”   
Kylo shakes his head again. “She received a message from General Organa, offering to rescue her.” He pauses and swallows, the word “rescue” leaving an unpleasant taste in his mouth. He watches (M/N)’s eyes widen but she says nothing.   
“They knew everything. They knew where she was. They knew she was…” Kylo considered his next word very carefully before continuing. “They knew she was pregnant.”  
“Pregnant?!” (M/N) shrieks, sitting up in her chair. “Oh, I will kill you, you son of a bitch! What is she, just some toy for you to play with and then send away when you’re finished with her?!”  
“Stop it!” Kylo orders her and she abruptly sits back down. “We were married before she left. It was a brief ceremony. And don’t you dare sit there and pretend you’re surprised. I know you’ve been in constant communication with the Supreme Leader, knowing full well what’s to come and what’s meant to be. If anyone has treated (Y/N) like a toy, it’s been you.”  
Kylo watches (M/N)’s face crumple into tears. “I have faith in Supreme Leader Snoke. In the First Order. He told me the two of you would eventually fall in love. He told me that was the only way we would destroy the Resistance. But not this.” She shakes her head frantically. “Not this.”  
Kylo leans toward her, fixing her with an intense stare. “Take your faith and place it in your daughter now. Know that this will make her stronger and that you will see her and your grandchild again. Know that as I do.”  
(M/N) stares at him. She wipes her eyes and mutters, “You’re right. It’s hard to know who to trust now, but…” she sniffs and her voice trails off.   
Kylo takes (M/N)’s hands and squeezes them in his own. “She is still yours. She is ours and you and I are family now. We will see them again.”


	6. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's former apprentice and now wife begins her training with Supreme Leader Snoke. And he asks more of her than she could imagine.

You walk through the doors into Supreme Leader Snoke’s Throne Room. The scant light catches the red of the Praetorian Guards’ reflective armor, sending colored sparks dancing around the room. You stop at the foot of his throne and stare up at his face. The holograms you’ve only seen before don’t begin to capture him. His gnarled face is familiar yet still terrifying. He radiates power.  
Even seated on his throne, he towers over you. His gold robe barely conceals his bare chest and his blue eyes peer down at you, drinking you in. Instinctively, you kneel.   
“Please rise.” His voice is kind, almost fatherly as he turns to his guards. “Help her up.” He orders them. You allow them to guide you back to your feet and mutter a thank you. This early in your pregnancy, you’re not worried about hurting yourself with physical exercise. You’re more worried about showing Snoke the reverence he deserves. Or thinks he deserves.   
He reaches an enormous hand down to you. And you allow him to brush his fingertips on the top of your head. “I am so glad you are here and safe, my dear child,” he rumbles, before a hint of a smile twists his lipless mouth.  
The smile widens. “Though I can’t very well call you that anymore, can I?” he asks. “Not when you stand before me, bearing the child of Kylo Ren.” His eyes linger on your midsection and you wrap your arms protectively around yourself. “No, sir,” you whisper.  
You remember the first time you spoke to him, you were terrified of the mere holographic image of him. Now, many months later, facing him in person, you’re still leery, but no longer crippled with fear.  
Snoke’s vivid blue eyes rake over your body as he draws a deep breath. “Your powers are very strong and he has trained you well.” He quirks and already crooked brow. “But his heart was his downfall. Now you’ve come to me.” He extends long fingers, reaching out to you, before clenching his fists.  
You feel a hot lick of anger flare inside you and you lean away from him and his touch. Downfall? “Was that not supposed to happen?” you ask before pausing for several long seconds. Snoke doesn’t speak. “I mean,” you continue, “Didn’t you know from the very beginning that’s what would always happen?” You find it difficult to disguise the sarcasm, the hint of accusation that colors your words.  
The supreme leader nods thoughtfully. “Of course, I knew,” he mutters. “I knew how it would begin and I know how it will end. I know your everything.”  
You gaze up at him steadily, almost defiantly and answer, “My everything is my child and my husband.”  
“And your powers?” he asks, smugly. Damn. He has you there. While it’s true you hated and resented them at first, under the tutelage of Kylo, your powers had flourished and grown. And you’d grown to cherish them. “Those too… I suppose,” you answer in a small voice.  
“Good… good,” Snoke answers. “That’s exactly what I want to hear. It is your love for you family that fuels your power. Your desire to protect them, your obsessive and overwhelming fear for them.”

“You won’t hurt them.” It’s a statement, more of a warning, really, than a question. A smile twists Snoke’s already grizzled features and his face lights up manically. “No,” he soothes. “No. I’ll never hurt them. There is nothing to be gained from that.”   
Nothing to be gained from hurting your family, he said. But using them? Or hurting you? That fear that he mentions starts to creep up and grip your insides. “What will you do?” you ask. Why shouldn’t he tell you what he has in store for you? Why should every day be full of new surprises and new horrors?  
“My dearest, it’s not what I will do. It’s what you will do.” You don’t understand until you see a door on Snoke’s left open, revealing a man, bound and locked into an elaborate restraint system. He is struggling to free himself and weeping. Shocked by his appearance, you instinctively take a step back, away from both him and Snoke.   
“Kill him,” Snoke orders.  
“Who is he?” you automatically ask.  
Snoke shakes his head. “Does it matter?” he asks. “Kill him.”  
“But… I… “ you stammer. You can’t say no. To do so may mean your own death. “How?” you ask. You have no weapons. Concealed behind another closed door, does Snoke have an entire arsenal at your disposal? Kylo taught you a little about how to wield a lightsaber and Captain Phasma’s training has made you competent at least with a blaster.  
Several quiet seconds pass and no secret weapons cache reveals itself. “You know how.” Snoke gives you a knowing look and you look back at your would-be victim, shivering and tear-stained. This is no captured Resistance pilot, guilty of treason or a cheating ex-boyfriend. You have no idea who this man is or what he’s done. Perhaps he’s done nothing at all. But you will end his life today. As the supreme leader asked, you will kill him, using only the Force.  
“Kylo has had you kill before, has he not? An old friend of yours?” You want to rip your own hair out at his smug tone.   
“I wouldn’t exactly describe him as that.” You answer as you tear your eyes away from the weeping man on the floor and meet Snoke’s cold stare.  
“It was generous of him,” he muses “Arranging that for you, allowing you to have that emotional connection to your victim. Makes the whole thing easier, doesn’t it?”  
“Yes, sir.” You answer through gritted teeth. The crying man in the restraints is becoming distracting now. And whatever pity you first felt for him is quickly turning into revulsion.  
“You will do this. You will do this because I ask it of you.” Snoke’s voice is no longer warm fatherly. It has taken on a decidedly authoritative tone and you know the time for indecision and hesitation is past.  
You close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Reaching into the Force, you feel your own anger and resentment inside you, curling around your heart. You feel it pulsing, growing with every heartbeat. You feel the life of your child, a son, as beautiful and fragile as his father. You feel his tiny heart, beating in syncopation with yours. You allow your fear, that obsessive fear that Snoke mentioned, to wash over you.   
Opening your eyes, you reach out a hand toward the prisoner and look into his eyes. You see your own fear reflected there. You know with utmost certainty that you will see your husband again, that, together, you will hold your baby. But this man will never see his family again. You see them. A wife and two small children. They’ll cry for him, of course. They’ll remember him fondly and celebrate his life. But that life is not theirs anymore. Right now, his life is yours, consumed by you and pinpointed in this one moment as his eyes lock onto yours.  
Reaching back through thousands of years of darkness, you bring your own pain forward until it becomes his pain. You don’t even register the screaming until you take a step closer to him and it fills your ears. His face is all you see now, contorted in agony, eyes squeezed shut and teeth bared. You feel yourself inside him, your power coursing through his veins and the two of you are the only things that exist within the entire Galaxy. Supreme Leader Snoke and his Throne Room blur and disappear around you as you continue your progress toward your prey.  
His eyes are open again, bulging in their sockets as his shrieking reaches a fever pitch. He goes quiet as you watch him slump into unconsciousness. Laying your hand on his face, you gently stroke his cheek. “Wake up,” you croon, your own voice unrecognizable to you as you brush your fingertips over his temples and sweaty forehead. “We’re not done yet. Come back to me,” you whisper.   
You feel him awake and your own body jolts with his as his eyes fly open. He stares at you, beyond begging, beyond any words. You feel your own tears begin to fall as his eyes meld with yours. He is struggling to breath now. You can hear his breath rattling in his throat as you bring another hand up to cup his other cheek.   
It’s exhilarating, really, watching the life slowly drain out of him. Feeling your own life force and all your hate replace it. Glancing down at his hands, you watch, mesmerized as his fingers clench and unclench. You see the deep purple bruises on his wrists from struggling against the restraints. And you know that his blood, once so vital and flowing is now moving like sludge through his veins.   
Your legs are shaking as you remain standing before him, watching as your own life flashes before your eyes. You see your father and mother, Qica and Kylo, Captain Phasma sitting on the training room floor and the Jedi temple topped with tall pillars. You awake, screaming from nightmare after nightmare. Dark hair and brown eyes, lit up with the glow of a fiery red lightsaber.   
The room swirls around you and falls back into place. You are on your knees now and the scent of urine and feces fills your nostrils. Looking up at the prisoner, you take in his sweaty and disheveled hair, his slack mouth and glassy eyes, the stain on his trousers from releasing his bladder and his feet that hang loosely below his ankle restraints.  
You know that he is dead. Dead by your hand and by your mind. For a moment, all you can feel is a blinding happiness that envelops you and you choke on a hysterical giggle before the bile rises up in your throat and you vomit all over Snoke’s pristine Throne Room floor.   
“Help her up,” he repeats his order form earlier, his voice once again low and soothing. You feel his guards grip you and gently help you to your feet. “Call for Jenyon and have her escort her back to her room,” he orders and you feel one of the guards leave your side. You remember all the overwhelming training sessions with Kylo and how he would always make sure you were returned safely to your quarters so you could rest.  
“My dear girl.” Snoke smiles down at you, pride twinkling in his azure eyes. “You continue to astound me. I have seen few things more beautiful than watching you kill an innocent man.” He reaches a hand toward you and the guard holding you up guides you closer to his touch. “Feeling the life that grows within you and watching as you take another life.” Snoke pauses and draws a deep breath. “Exquisite.”  
In truth, you want to throw up again. Perhaps on the hem of his gold robe. But you hold his gaze. Your power astounds him and you know it will only grow under his teaching. You’ll burn through a thousand innocent prisoners if it will keep your family safe. You’ll torture and murder their wives and children if it’s asked of you.  
As Jenyon arrives, Snoke orders her to return you to your rooms. He tells you, in a soothing voice, that after you rest and eat, you will continue training with him later in the day. Jenyon walks you slowly back to your rooms. You allow her to place her arm around your shoulders and you lean into her touch. She tucks you into you bed and you don’t even try to bat it away when the syringe on Benzodi appears from her pocket.   
“He is proud of you,” you hear her whisper and you feel the medicine start to take effect. You know she’s talking about Supreme Leader Snoke, but it’s Kylo’s face that fills your mind. You watch his lips form the words “I love you,” as the Benzodi finally drags you under and you know. He is proud of you.


	7. A Father's Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning his thoughts inward, Kylo is surprised and moved to discover he knows more about his unborn child that he had previously thought.

The bedchamber is dark as Kylo Ren sits up looks frantically around him. Only shadows loom in the corners, nothing more. The ragged breathing echoing in his ears is his own.  
The dream from which he just awoke was so real. He could feel her, could feel both of them. The swell of her breast as he wrapped his arm around her. The smell of her hair and the way the light hit it.  
Kylo runs his fingers through his already disheveled hair, wiping the sheen of sweat from his forehead. From the foot of the bed, he hears a soft hiss. Focusing his eyes in the darkness, he sees Qica, crouching by his feet and obviously angry and having been awoken. He tentatively holds a hand out to her, remembering all the times he had sought comfort from (Y/N) after having had a bad dream. Qica grants his request and rubs her head along his outstretched fingers.  
This wasn’t a bad dream, really. Just a very vivid one. He had felt (Y/N) in her absence, several times before. And, through her, had felt their unborn child’s lifeforce. But they were so close in the dream. He had felt them, could still feel them really. In the dream, he had sat next to (Y/N), his arm around her as she held their new baby. Kylo can still hear the child’s fluttering heartbeat echoing in the silent room.  
He throws the covers back, sending Qica skittering across the room, and rises from the bed. Padding barefooted into the washroom, Kylo looks at his reflection in the mirror above the toilet as he urinates loudly into the bowl.   
His hair is tangled and the dark circles beneath his eyes stand out, blue and purple against the pallor of his skin. He squeezes his eyes shut and is rubbing the bridge of his nose when he remembers. He stares back into his reflection in the mirror. He remembers the dream, remembers the face of the small infant held in (Y/N)’s arms. The same eyes. Large and brown and framed with dark lashes.  
He knows the dream was more than just that and knows that he was staring into the face into his son. His… son? Kylo shakes his head and tries to bring the dream back to the forefront of his thoughts. He remembers the child’s face: large, dark eyes, straight nose and perfect full lips.   
He hears the voice, whispered into his ear in the dream but now filling the room around him, filling soul. (Y/N)’s voice. It resonates into his very bones. “You’re a father, Kylo. Come meet your son.”   
And Kylo knows. He knows as surely as the blood of Darth Vader flows in this child’s veins, that he will be different. He will never be betrayed or abandoned. His power, infused with the Force will be embraced and never feared or repressed. And he will be loved as Kylo never was. His child. His dark heir. His son.


	8. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After more than proving her worth and growing, day by day, in her powers, Supreme Leader Snoke allows his student the one thing she truly desires.

Weeks pass. Then months. Every day Snoke presents you with a new challenge. Some days it’s a new victim to toy with. Other days her invades your mind, sifting through your thoughts. He seems to enjoy the memories of your parents and takes particular pleasure in making you relive your father’s death.   
You allow him to have his way with you and you follow his orders explicitly. Either you’ve learned, or you somehow just know, to keep him from having access to everything. Somewhere, deep within your mind, is that kernel or rebelliousness that Snoke cannot touch. And that’s where you keep your fierce loyalty to your family and the thought that, someday, you will have to choose between them and Snoke.   
You are becoming quite adept at playing the role of the obedient little protégé. But even as your stomach swells, growing with the promise of your child, so too does your resolve grow.  
And though he works your mind and body to the absolute brink, the Supreme Leader is not without his seeming compassion. You receive the best of medical care and live in almost lavish comfort. Every imaginable need is fulfilled.   
You still ache to see Kylo, but Snoke does let you to communicate with him. You freely send holographic messages back and forth and have even been allowed the occasional real-time conversation via comm-link and under supervision, of course.  
It was only a few days ago that the ring was delivered to your door. You stared at the small box, held in the gloved hand of the officer who delivered it. Almost afraid to touch it, you hesitated. Nestled inside was a ring of simple design: a plain silver band with a small, but uneven black stone. You recognized it immediately. After all the times you’d fallen asleep clutching the other piece or placed it under your pillow at night.   
Kylo had given you another piece of his grandfather. You smile at the plasteel’s irregular surface, reminded of Kylo’s jagged and crackling lightsaber. You can’t help wondering if he made it himself and you smile even more at the thought of him hunched over a table, perhaps late into the night, molding and forming the metal.  
After putting the ring onto your finger, you place your left hand on your stomach. “That’s from your daddy,” you whisper. “Can you feel him?”   
You now wear the ring every day. You wish that Kylo had been there himself to put it on your hand, but seeing it there and being able to touch it or twirl it around your finger when you are feeling anxious is almost like having him with you.  
You’re certain that Snoke notices it, in fact you’re fairly certain he searched the package before it was delivered to you. But he makes no comment on its presence and you continue to wear it.  
Every day, your powers grow. Killing frightened and innocent people is no longer as difficult as it was the first time. You flit freely in and out of their minds, torturing them only briefly with their darkest fears, before ending their lives.   
Snoke lavishes you with praise and you let his words wash over you, knowing that you do not fully belong to him, knowing that eventually you will betray him. You smile indulgently and let him adore you.   
Jenyon continues to fawn over you, insisting that you finish your meals and get adequate amounts of sleep. She’s the one that holds your hand the first time you hear the baby’s heartbeat in the medical bay and cries tears of happiness along with you.   
Your medical droid provides you with the best of care, vitamins and medications, gentle exercise periods. He tells you that you are gaining the proper amount of weight for your pregnancy and that your blood pressure and blood sugar are both normal.   
You don’t trust any of them.  
You report to Snoke’s throne room bright and early one morning. You are stiff and sore from a rare sleepless night and feeling cranky. You pass by the guards with hardly a glance, used to their presence now and no longer intimidated by the sight of them. They are the elite, the strongest of the strong. Handpicked by Snoke for their prowess. You know you could destroy them with your mind alone.  
“My dear girl,” Snoke greets you as he beams down at you. “You are so exquisite. Full of darkness and ripe with new life.”  
You meet his gaze and stare back into his twisted face. “Thank you, Master,” you murmur. Though he frightens you some days, repulses you, others and you never fully let your guard down around him, his words of praise mean a great deal to you. His acknowledgement of your power means your chances of defeating him someday, of leaving him and returning to your family, are a very real possibility.  
“You deserve everything. Everything I can give you.” Snoke continues. “You will see I am not without my own generosity.” He motions to the door, the one you just came in, as you hear it open behind you with a soft hiss.   
You turn slowly, unsure of what his idea of generosity may be and, for a split second, you’re convinced you’d conjured up a vision. But he is real. You feel the air in the room shift around you as he steps in.   
You gasp, hand flying up to cover your mouth as you feel your eyes fill with tears. Kylo Ren, your husband and father of your unborn child stands just beyond the threshold. He is taller than you remember, looming in the doorway. He looks pale and slightly gaunt, but his eyes burn as they land on you.  
You hear Snoke’s voice from behind you but are unable to look anywhere else. “Go to him,” he rumbles. You stumble across the room and fall into his outstretched arms, choking on a sob.  
He smells like death and despair, like you remember and you cling to him until your breathing slows down. “You’re here,” you mutter as you pull back away from him. Glancing briefly at the tear-stains on his chest, you look up into his face. Up close, he looks even more tired. Though his messages to you reveal nothing, you wonder what he’s been putting himself through in your absence and your heart goes out to him.   
You reach up to brush trembling fingertips across his check and rub your thumb along his lower lip. He leans into your hand, closing his eyes, savoring your touch. “I’m here.” His voice is low, comforting and achingly familiar.   
“Take her,” Snoke growls from behind you. You had almost forgotten he was still in the room with you. “Take her to her quarters. Take her to her bed. You have time.”  
You bury your face into his shoulder as he scoops you up effortlessly, cradling you against his chest. Without a second glance at the supreme leader, Kylo strides quickly from the room, with you still in his arms.  
“How are you here?” you ask, looking up at him and curling your fingers into the fabric of his cowl as he continues to walk down the corridor away from Snoke’s Throne Room. “I’m here by Supreme Leader Snoke’s invitation. But this isn’t about him.” Kylo pauses. “Or me,” he adds, seemingly as an afterthought.   
He sets you gently on your feet as you sway unsteadily, staring, unblinking into his eyes. Kylo runs his hand across your forehead, brushing a fallen lock of hair behind your ear before grabbing you by the chin and forcefully pulling your face towards his. “This is about you.” His voice is a growl as he leans down and crashes his lips onto yours. His lips are chapped and his tongue is hot as he swallows your frantic gasp.  
Just as your body begins responding with true fervor, wrapping your arms around his waist and twining your fingers into the coarse fabric at his belt, he gently draws away, his nose brushing yours. You whine, as you feel him run his hands down your arms. “Like Supreme Leader Snoke said,” he whispers, bringing his lips back to yours. “We have time.”  
Before you have a chance to respond, he hooks a strong arm behind your knees and picks you up again. “My rooms are in the North Wing,” you murmur as you stare, transfixed at the line of his jaw. Kylo smirks as he begins walking. That damned smirk that you love so much, that tugs at your heart and warms your loins. You feel your breath hitch as he looks down at you through his lashes. “I know,” he answers. “And if I’m not mistaken, I believe I owe you and walk over the threshold.”


	9. Lost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Husband and wife, now reunited under the eye of Supreme Leader Snoke, must make their limited time together last, while eking every ounce of pleasure from it and each other.

Kylo swings you over through the door, taking care not to bump your legs on the frame. Your head remains tucked against his shoulder. He doesn’t even bother with the keypad by your door. A quick, almost imperceptible stretch of his fingers and the door slides open for him.  
“You don’t have to do this, you know?” you tell him as he cradles you down the short hallway to your bedroom. He’s carried you from Snoke’s Throne Room all the way across the compound to the North Wing where your suite of rooms is located. He must be tired now, you think. But Kylo Ren does not get tired. And if the fire that is still burning behind his dark eyes is any indication, he has a long way to go.   
“Nonsense,” he answers as he gently sets you in the middle of the bed. “Why shouldn’t I adhere to tradition?” He stands by the bed, looking down at you as you shrug. “Our marriage hasn’t exactly been very traditional so far, has it?” you ask.  
Kylo crouches and begins crawling up the bed toward you. “Then fuck tradition and just let me have you.” You’re reaching your arms out to him, when he suddenly freezes. Doubt clouds his face as he sits back on his heels. “Maybe,” he frowns. “Maybe it’s not a good idea. I don’t want to hurt you… or the baby.” And he looks so sad, so desperately concerned, that you can’t help but smile, even as your eyes fill with tears.   
In addition to taking the best care of you, your medical droid has also taught you a great deal about the ins and outs (no pun intended) of pregnancy. You shake your head, still smiling. “You won’t,” you tell Kylo as you look up at him. “He’s like you. He’s so strong.”   
Kylo blinks back at you, still looking doubtful. “Come here,” you whisper and take his hand. Placing it on your stomach, you look back up at him. “Feel him.”   
He spreads his fingers over the bump that is your swollen abdomen and applies a gentle but steady pressure there. Placing your own had over his, you watch his face expectantly. He frowns slightly, brows furrowing as he waits. He cocks his head, as if listening to something that only he can hear and his eyes widen. “It’s incredible,” he whispers. “He’s…” Kylo stops, unable to continue.   
“He’s yours,” you say. “And you won’t hurt him. Not Ever.” And you know that Kylo senses the real meaning behind your words. Not that that he won’t somehow injure your child during intercourse, but that you understand that he won’t ever betray him, won’t ever abandon him. Not like his own parents did.   
And he does understand. The look in his eyes as he stares back up into your face is all you need to know. You watch him go from reverent and awestruck to thoughtful. You watch as his eyes cloud over and arousal returns to darken them again.   
“Please, Kylo?” You ask, knowing all too well that he can never resist when you say please. “I need you.” Grabbing his wrist, you move his hand from your stomach up to your face, lean toward him and gently place your lips on his. “Please?”   
As badly as you want him, you still know this has to be on his terms and so, you allow him to take the lead. He crooks his fingers under you chin and angles your head up toward his, deepening the kiss. Willingly, you open your mouth to him as you slide your arms around his neck. Tangling your fingers into his hair, you rise up onto your knees and press your body against his.   
It’s been so long since you’ve felt him like this, your head spins and you are almost weak with desire for him. Kylo responds eagerly to your touch, wrapping his own arms around your waist and pulling you even closer to him.   
You feel the hardness between his legs and can’t help that whimper that escapes you as he abandons your mouth and begins trailing kissing down your neck. Tugging at the back of his collar, you mutter impatiently, “I want this off. I want to feel you!”   
“My love,” Kylo smirks as he pulls away from you and strokes your cheek. “Always so hungry for it. Even now.”   
“Even more so now,” you pant as you stare back at him. His lips are already swollen and his pupils, wide. He cocks his head questioningly at you. “Hormones,” you explain lamely. “Kylo shrugs and begins unfastening his wide belt. “Who am I to deny you?” he shrugs.   
Despite all the times you’ve seen him naked, all the times you’ve admired, kissed or worshipped every inch of him, you still watch in fascination as he undresses. Although he looks tired on the surface, beneath the layers of clothing, it’s obvious that Kylo has been pushing himself in his own training. His shoulders are broader and the muscles of his chest and stomach more defined than you remember.   
Within seconds he has removed every layer and stands at the foot of the bed, staring down at you. “Gods, I fucking want you,” you whisper almost inaudibly. Of course, Kylo hears you and something almost resembling a genuine smile flashes across his face.   
He crawls back up the bed toward you. “May I?” he asks as his hands hover over your shoulders. You nod mutely as he gently guides your arms up over your head and removes your dress. You’re aware that, over the course of your pregnancy, your breasts had grown and you’ve become somewhat self-conscious of them. Even as you instinctively move to cross your arms over your chest, Kylo grabs your wrists and gently pulls your arms back down. “None of that,” he softly scolds you. “I need to see all of you. Just the way you are.” His eyes travel over you, from your flushed cheeks and wet lips to your swollen belly and the growing wet spot on your undergarment. “Perfect.” He mutters as he carefully slides it down your legs.  
Feeling the cold air of the bedchamber on your hot cunt, it’s all you can do not to just frantically thrust your hips forward at Kylo, but instead you allow him to lay you down beneath him, your head resting on the pillow. His eyes never leave yours are he hovers over you and carelessly throws the last bit of your clothing aside. “So perfect,” he repeats as he lowers his face to yours and kisses you.  
You respond eagerly, fingers twining their way into his hair again as he gently parts your lips with his tongue. Probing deeper into your mouth, he washes away the taste of the last few months of isolation and uncertainty until all that remains is just you and Kylo and the heat of your bodies as you arch you back and raise your hips off the bed into him.  
You feel his cock pressing in between your legs and, aching for it, you move to wrap your legs around his waist, granting him entrance. “Not yet,” he whispers against your mouth as he carefully pushes one of your legs back down. “We have time.”   
You can’t help the plaintive moan that escapes your lips as he moves his mouth away from yours and begins trailing wet kisses down your jaw and neck. “Kylo,” you whine as he laves his tongue along the ridge of your collarbone. “I don’t care how much time we have. I need you!”  
You hear him chuckle darkly as his mouth continues its progress to your breast. “My impatient wife.” Your eyes widen at his use of the word and are momentarily seized by emotion. But sentimentality soon gives way to raw arousal as Kylo takes your breast into his mouth, flicking the nipple with his tongue.   
Moaning again, louder this time, you dig your nails into his shoulders as he moves to squeeze your other breast with long fingers. You imagine the looks on Jenyon or even your mother’s face, a married woman, pregnant, no less, moaning like a wanton whore as you writhe, naked, beneath the fearsome Commander Ren. But the brief distraction fades away as Kylo moves down your chest and you gasp as you feel the cold air of the room on your wet breast.  
Pausing shortly at your stomach to rub his hand over the swollen mound before placing his hands on your knees and pushing your legs farther apart. “Now, you spread those legs for me,” he murmurs into your skin. “That’s my girl.”  
Settling between your legs, Kylo begins running a single finger slowly up and down your slit and you gasp at his touch. You would be more than content with a quick and dirty fuck followed by a quick and dirty orgasm, but he obviously has other plans. You’re never certain if Kylo loves to draw things out to maximize your pleasure or if her gets off a little bit on tormenting you. But you’ll take what your can get. Especially after months of being alone and starved for his touch. Especially now, as his finger, coated with your own juices, is now thrusting gently into you.   
“Kylo,” you whine. “You’re going to make me…” Your words cut off in an audible gasp as Kylo adds another finger, crooking them just slightly to meet your G-spot. At this rate, you’ll get that quick and dirty orgasm a lot sooner than expected.   
“No, I won’t,” he answers, his voice deep with concentration as he slowly removes his fingers. “Not until you’re ready.” You sigh deeply and throw your head back on the pillow, dizzy with arousal. Kylo, meanwhile has occupied himself with sucking a wet bruise onto the skin of your thigh. “Make it hurt,” you whisper. “I want to still see you on me after you’re gone.” Your voice trails off as your heart contracts with sadness. Now that he’s here, you can’t conceive of him ever leaving you again.  
“You’ll see me,” Kylo answers as he continues his journey up your thigh. “You’ll still feel me.” You gasp as his mouth finds its intended target and you feel his lips on you. Arching your back off the bed, you spread your legs further apart, nearly shoving yourself into his face. “Please,” you whisper, like a prayer and Kylo is only too happy to oblige, carefully spreading your lips with his fingers while running his tongue slowly up and down your folds.   
Your hands drift from where they were, clenched in the bedsheets to Kylo’s head and your find yourself mimicking his movements with his tongue as you stroke his hair, running your fingers through the thick tresses. Even over the slight swell of your belly, you can see him nestled between your legs and you think that you’ll never see a more beautiful sight.   
You frantically clutch at him as his tongue finds your clit, swirling slow circles around the painfully swollen nub. He pauses briefly to raise his head and look up at you, eyes overly bright and face already slick with your juices. He looks beautiful and utterly terrifying. A slight smirk tugs at his full lips before he bows his head back down between your legs.  
His callused thumb, now following the earlier orbit of his tongue around your clit, pauses to brush over it, eliciting a load moan from you. You feel him smile against your thigh and suddenly his tongue is there, probing every crevice of your cunt as his thumb continues its work. He thrusts into you, setting a leisurely pace and you squirm against him as you feel beginnings of your orgasm curling low in your stomach. You know he won’t let you come until he is ready, though and you stare up at the ceiling overhead as you try to slow your breathing.   
His thumb is now working your clit furiously as his tongue continues its ministrations within you. You angle your hips, allowing his mouth even greater access and you know you won’t last for very much longer. Even as your tensed thighs are shaking uncontrollably, you beg him. “Please, Kylo! I’m so close!” He looks back up at you, at the desperation so clearly etched on your face. Sees your flushed cheeks and wide, glassy eyes and nods.   
“You want to come now?” he asks as you nod frantically. His thumb, still on your clit, works frantically, leaving you breathless and almost in tears form the intensity of the sensation. “Gods, you’re so wet,” Kylo mumbles as he pauses to insert a finger into you again, thrusting slowly. He levels you with a stare “Want to come on my face for me?” he asks casually. You gape at him as he wipes his mouth with long fingers. “Make me even wetter?” You’d almost forgotten his charming (among other things) habit of dirty talk and keeping a running dialogue during sex. All you can do is nod as you choke out a nearly hysterical yes and he dives back down between your legs.   
Once again, his tongue is hard at work, stabbing deep into your throbbing heat as his thumb applies an almost-painful pressure on your clit. Twisting on the bedsheets beneath you and again, twining your fingers into his hair, you suddenly feel your orgasm rip through you. Your body tenses and stills, from your fingers in Kylo’s hair, to your hips thrust into his face, all the way to the tips of your curling toes.  
He withdraws quickly from between your legs, leaving your walls to clench around nothingness as he brings his face level to yours and kisses you deeply. Opening your mouth to him, you feel his tongue on yours and taste your own juices as your body continues to shudder against his.  
Kylo holds you through your orgasm, still kissing you and stroking your hair. “That was…” you stutter, trying to find the words to adequately describe the experience and wondering if it’s absence or pregnancy that makes the heart grown fonder.   
“That was my wife,” Kylo finishes the sentence for you and this time, you allow your eyes to fill with tears. “I love you,” you whisper as you duck your head down against his chest. Kylo responds by placing a firm kiss on the top of your head. “And I am yours,” he answers.   
You close your eyes, leaning your head against him and breathe in his scent, the smell that is distinctly Kylo. Now mixed with sweat and the smell of your own arousal, it makes your head spin, but you find comfort in it. After the desperate, frantic sex and the mind-numbing orgasm, a quiet solace that you haven’t known in months overtakes you.


	10. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Left alone with each other for the first time since their hasty wedding and her evacuation, Kylo and his new wife do not waste time together.

Your passion staid for now, you lie in his arms and rest, listening to the sound of his breathing mingling with yours. Your head is against his chest and you and feel, just as clearly as you can hear it, his heartbeat.  
Just as you feel the first tendrils of sleep creeping around you, you blink yourself back awake to the feel of Kylo taking your hand and pressing his lips to it. “You’re wearing the ring,” you hear him comment and you nod as you look up at him.  
“Of course, I am,” you answer. “I just assumed it was a wedding ring.” Kylo nods. “You didn’t make it yourself, did you?” you ask as you twine your fingers with his, turning your wrist to admire the way the sun catches on the simple black and silver ring on your finger. “No,” he answers and a hint of a smile tugs at his lips. “I had a jeweler on Coruscant custom make it.”   
“Well, it’s lovely,” you tell him as you gently squeeze his hand. “And I love it…. And I love you too.” You add as an afterthought. He smirks again, but then his face turns serious. “I wanted to be a reminder of not just our marriage, but of the darkness that binds us. Our commitment to that as well as to each other.”  
“How romantic,” you mumble as you rise onto your knees to look into his face. “But I understand.” You pause, struggling to find the right words before continuing. “I understood when my mother said that I had to give up everything to become your apprentice. I understood when Supreme Leader Snoke told me I had to escape and come to him. And I understand now.” You take his hand and place it again on your stomach. “We are each other’s. But we’re also part of something much bigger.”  
Kylo presses his hand into your skin, rubbing small circles there with his thumb. “I love you both… so much,” he says. Rolling over to face you, he places a small kiss near your belly button. “You can hear me, can’t you? My son.” He can’t see the smile on your face or the way your eyes fill with tears, watching him. He is totally engrossed and his attention focused on your swollen belly and the little life inside it.  
“I love you,” he mumbles into your skin. “I’ll always love you and I’ll never leave you. I’ll never hurt you or send you away.” You hear his voice catch and you stroke his hair, trying to comfort him. “He knows,” you whisper as you watch your tears fall into his dark hair. “He loves you too,” you whisper. “Can’t you feel it?”  
Kylo nods slowly before looking back up at you, his own eyes are frantic and filled with unshed tears. “I wish I could just take you both,” he says. “Damn Snoke, damn the First Order, just blast my way out of here and take you with me!”  
“That would probably get us killed and you know it,” you answer him wearily. “But I wish you could too.” You sigh. “Just give up all this ‘greater good’ nonsense and go away where they can’t find us. Just the three of us. Every day could be like this.”   
You’re both quiet for several seconds, envisioning a future that just isn’t possible. Not yet, anyway. “Oh well,” you shrug. “No sense in brooding over it. We’re here now. Why not make up for lost time?” You smile cheekily at him and Kylo raises his eyebrows back at you. “What do you have in mind?” he asks.   
You roughly push him over onto his back and straddle his lap. “You,” you answer. “Just you. All of you. Everywhere.”  
“Everywhere?” he asks, looking up at you and quirking a brow. “Everywhere,” you answer, with a sweep of your arm. “All over the place. Just like at Count Dooku’s palace on Serreno. On every surface.” The two of you smile, lost in the memories of how you spent Kylo’s last leave together.  
You lean down to kiss him and feel his already hardening cock against you. “And you tease me about being ready all the time,” you accuse him playfully. “How can I resist?” he asks, shrugging even as you place you hands on his shoulders. “With you pressed against me, so warm and wet. I know you want me too.”  
You stare down at him through narrowed eyes. Of course, he knows how desperate you are for him. He’s always known. “Hormones?” he asks, looking up innocently at you. But you know better. Kylo Ren is many things, the lest of which is innocent. And he knows better too. “Not hormones,” you answer, dragging your hands down his chest, scratching lightly with your nails. “Just you.”  
You watch Kylo sigh and lean his head back onto the pillow as you reach down and take him into your hand. “Look at you, hard for me already,” you muse as you gently run your hand up his shaft. He draws a shuddering breath and stares at you with wide eyes. “(Y/N),” his lips trembling at your name. “You can’t imagine how good that feels.”   
“After all this time?” you ask. “I think I can. You feel just as amazing as you always have.” Shifting down, you’re seated lower on his legs, you begin to stroke him in earnest, building a steady rhythm.   
“I missed this… so much. I’ve missed you,” Kylo mumbles. You can see the tears on his lashes as he closes his eyes at your touch. “Gods, I’ve missed you too.” you agree. “Sometimes, at night, when I can’t sleep, I think about you. Think about you touching me. Your mouth, your cock.” You can feel the moisture and pulsing between your legs and are aware of the movement of your hips as you gently ride his legs and continue.  
“Sometimes, I touch myself and I can almost feel you there too. When I make myself come, I can feel you come with me, feel you inside me.”  
“FUCK, (Y/N)!” Kylo exclaims as you, staring up at you with wide eyes as you work him faster. “Yes,” you croon. “You do like that, don’t you?”  
A bead of precum glistens at the end of his cock and you lower yourself down (as much as your belly will allow) to lap it off with your tongue. You’ve missed everything about Kylo, his scorn for public displays of affection, his endearing habit of talking dirty during sex, his random emotional outbursts. Mostly, you think you’ve missed the way he tastes, his mouth, his cum, even just the salty flavor of his skin when you kiss him everywhere.  
“I need to fuck you,” his voice is low, but almost frantic as he reaches for you. “I need to feel you.” Rising onto your knees and lining him up with your entrance, you sink down, gasping as you impale yourself on his length. His hands rest on your hips, gently guiding your movements and setting a torturously slow pace as you ride him.  
Digging his fingers into your hips, he stares up at you, his gaze holding yours. “You feel…” he pauses and swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “So good,” he continues. “Gods, I could do this all day. Just stare at you while you ride my cock, you’re so fucking beautiful like this.”  
You can’t help but smile. There he goes, you think to yourself as you speed up your pace. You truly love how Kylo babbles during sex. Sometimes, his commentary alone is enough to get you off. Other times, when it dissolves into a nearly incoherent string of your name and curse words, you just let the sound of his deep voice wash over you as you bask in it.  
Kylo runs his hands up from your hips and over your stomach. “So beautiful,” he repeats. He brings them to rest on your swollen breasts, gently squeezing the tender flesh. You gasp loudly as he pinches a nipple, twisting it between his thumb and forefinger. “Just touch me!” you order him. “Touch me everywhere.” He leans down, taking your other breast into his mouth. You are momentarily struck by fear. What if you miraculously start lactating with all this stimulation and leak breast milk all over him? But fear fades away under the haze of arousal and ultimately you decide that you really don’t care what bodily fluids get where, just as long as you can keep his cock deep inside you and his hands and mouth everywhere else.  
As if sensing your thoughts (and who’s to say he isn’t?) Kylo moves the one hand that is resting on your hip, sliding in down between your legs. As he moves, you marvel at the perfect, thumb-shaped bruise he’s left in you flesh. Leaning back and angling your body away from his, you feel the head of his cock brush your G-spot with every thrust of your hips. Kylo abandons your breasts and, spreading your lips wide, runs both thumbs over your clit. “Kylo!” you shout his name into the empty room as you arch you even more and spread your shaking legs farther, granting his access to all of you. He works the painfully swollen nub until you are nearly sobbing. “Now touch yourself,” he orders, dragging your own hand down there. Your clit feels swollen and slippery under your fingers as you run them around and over it.  
Kylo has roughly seized your hips and slams you down on his cock. You cry out as your feel the head hit your cervix. Your orgasm that has slowly been creeping up on you, now consumes your entire body. You’re shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down your face. “Kylo, please,” you beg, your voice barely a whisper. “Please, I’m so close.”   
“My wife,” He looks up at you. “Look at you, touching yourself like a little whore.” He slams you down harder this time, and you reach out to balance yourself, smearing your soaked fingers across his chest.   
“Come for me, baby,” Kylo’s voice is ragged and breathless as he thrusts up into you. “Come on your husband’s cock.”  
At his words, you tumble over the edge, into the grip of your orgasm. Your muscles clench as waves of excruciating pleasure wrack your body.   
Kylo’s own orgasm is not far behind, triggered, no doubt by yours. He shouts your name into the still afternoon air and thrusts hard into you. You feel him fill you as your contracting muscles continue to milk every drop of cum from him.   
He runs his hands up your back as you can’t stop shaking and pulls you down on top of him. You feel his softening cock and cum leak out of you as he wraps his arms tightly around you and holds you until you’re still and your breathing evens out. The tears, however, keep coming. “That was…” you sob, unable to finish the sentence. Even though the physical act is over, you can still feel Kylo inside you, all around you, filling every corner of the bedchamber.   
“I know.” His voice is low and soothing. Kylo gently rolls you off him, laying you back onto your pillow. He carefully wipes your tears before kissing your forehead. “Sleep now,” he whispers. But you shake your head, unable to close your eyes, unwilling to see anything but him.  
Though the sex should have calmed you down and restored in faith in Kylo, it seems to have had the opposite effect. Instead filling you with fear, dreading the moment when someone will inevitably try to take him from you again. “Don’t go,” you murmur as you warp your arms around him.   
Kylo holds you tighter. “I’m right here,” he promises. “I won’t ever leave you. Either of you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With husband and wife safely reunited and under the watchful eye of Supreme Leader Snoke, they can rest easy and just enjoy each other, knowing that no harm will come to them or their unborn child. But is their location truly safe?

You don’t know if you’ve been asleep for hours or mere seconds when something pulls you from your slumber. You sit up, blinking at your surroundings and are surprised to find the bed empty next to you. “Kylo?” you mutter into the waning afternoon light that floods through the window. Thinking that he must have just gone to the washroom, you untwist yourself from the blankets and begin to crawl out of bed.  
Just as your feet touch the floor, Kylo strides back into the room, fully clothed and coming from the direction of the sitting room. He looks concerned. More that concerned, he looks almost frightened. He stares down at you, eyes wide and pupils dilated.   
“Kylo?” ask again, and this time you aware of how your voice wavers. “Is something wrong?” He shakes his head, his gaze still locked on you.   
You notice that his shoes are back on and he’s holding his mask in one hand. He glances back at the door to the bedroom and then back to you. “Stay here,” he orders you. “Something is…” he frowns before continuing. “I don’t know.”   
Seeing him this fearful and unsure makes your heart pound. “Where are you going?” you demand as you rise to your feet and stand before him. “Kylo? What’s going on?” He gently places his hands on your shoulders and stares into your eyes.  
“I need to know that you’re safe,” he replies simply. Fear makes you even more irritable than usual and it takes an effort not to roll your eyes at him. You sigh in frustration.   
“I am safe,” you remind him. “As long as I’m with you.” Kylo shakes his head again, this time, blinking back tears. He leans down, bringing his face to yours and cupping your cheeks.   
“Stay here,” he repeats. “Please. Get dressed, be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Something… isn’t right.” He presses his lips to yours and lowers one hand to press it against your stomach. “I’ll come back for you. I love you both.”  
He turns on his heel, jamming the mask back onto his face and stalks out of the room. You run after him, reaching the sitting room just in time to see the door whoosh closed behind him. Standing in the middle of the room, it takes several seconds to realize that you are still naked and you return to the bedroom to dress like he told you.  
You dress in a daze, pulling your shirt over your head with trembling hands. Figuring if, and when Kylo comes back for you (and reminding yourself that he promised he would), you should be ready for possible travel, you pull on your shoes. You also grab your cloak and throw it around your shoulders just in case.   
You lower yourself into one of the chairs near the door and wait. You try tapping into the Force, reaching past the confines of your quarters to find out what’s happening beyond the walls. You sense Kylo out there, somewhere, but… that’s all. Your inability to identify any threat is perhaps more frightening than the threat itself.   
You rise awkwardly from your chair, your belly is just big enough that it’s starting to get in the way now, and begin to pace. Surely, Kylo should be back by now, you think to yourself. Whatever problem there might have been, he should have been able to locate it and take care of it quickly. Especially with Supreme Leader Snoke so close by.   
As you turn to make another pass across the room, the sound of a distant alarm blaring makes you stop in your tracks. Though your faith in Kylo never wavers, now you know for sure that something is indeed very wrong. “Please hurry!” your mind begs his. “Come back to me!”  
Fear makes you faint, and you sink back into your chair as the sound of running footsteps passes by outside your door. You briefly consider peeking out into the corridor to see what’s happening, but remember Kylo’s warning to stay there. And stay you will.   
“We’ll be all right,” you whisper as you rest your hands on your belly. “Daddy will be back for us soon. He loves us so much, you know.” Pulling your cloak tighter around you, you wrap your arms around yourself and lean forward in your chair, staring at the floor.   
The sounds outside your door have grown louder, shouting and blaster fire now added to the pounding footsteps. Covering your ears, you try to focus, try to pinpoint the bright spot out there that is your husband. As long as you can feel him, as long as you know he’s still alive, you will wait for him.  
The shouting and sound of weaponry outside your door has died down and you listen intently to the sound of muffled voices. Even with the Force, you can’t make out what they’re saying, fear making your power unstable.   
As you stand to retreat away from the door and back to the bedroom, it blows off its hinges. Three men, dress indistinctly, but with blasters raised, step over the threshold. One of them approaches you slowly and lowers his weapon. “(Y/N)? You’re all right. We’re here to help you.”  
The sound of your name on his lips makes you want to vomit and you stare at him, taking in his tousled clothing and the uncertainty in his eyes. Your eyes flick to the other two men flanking him and you slowly raise your hand toward them. Two of the mean duck as their associate crashes into the wall above their heads.   
“Stop her!” one of the men cries as he whirls away from you and grabs you from behind, pinning your arms to your sides. Trapped within his grip and tangled in your long cloak, you struggle against him. Suddenly he drops you as he keels over in pain. Scrabbling across the floor, you struggle with the clasp at your neck, tugging the cloak off. He grabs you by the ankle and before you can kick him away, another man seizes your shoulder and flips you over onto you back.   
“Don’t hurt her!” comes another voice and you see a pair of feet come closer. “The General wants her unharmed. Just sedate her, quickly, and let’s get out of here.”  
You feel the needle enter your arm, even as you scream and struggle against it. You feel it pull out, tearing the flesh as you twist away.  
Your heart pounds, pushing the sedative through your body and your captor holds you tightly as you go limp against the floor of your sitting room.   
As your arms and eyelids grow heavy, you hear the words “The General” in your mind and flickering fear gives way to the blind fire of panic. Again, you can see those brown eyes and hear her voice, soft but still commanding.  
As your body gives in and your eyes close, you’ve never been more frightened in your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to everyone who has not abandoned this story yet. I apologize for the long delay between chapters. Real life has been rearing its ugly head (and everything has been on fire) lately. But my brain is slowly getting out of the habit of worrying all the time and back into composing bits of dialogue in the shower and stringing them into scenes. Normalcy feels good. Thanks again. I love my readers!


	12. Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remaining in the captivity of the Resistance, Reader is unable to fight back and unable to process what will became of her, her husband, Kylo and their unborn child.

“Must we leave the restraints on her?”  
The voices fade in and out, sometimes allowing you to catch entire sentences, sometimes just jumbled words before you sink back into darkness.   
“I think it’s necessary. At least for now. I don’t want her to hurt herself.” What a funny dream, you think to yourself as you float just near the surface of consciousness. The voice, though different, reminds you of your mother. It has the same lilting tone to it, low and slightly comforting. Of course, it doesn’t matter, because it is just a dream. And because your main source of comfort is lying in the bed, next to you. You remember how he held you as you made love and how he swore never to leave you again.  
You move to roll over closer to him, but something is holding you in place. Finally, able to locate your arms, you’re surprised to find that you’re unable to move them. Small punctures begin to form in the fabric of sleep and you struggle to open your eyes. You feel the word “Kylo” leave your lips, though no sound comes out.  
Someone places a cool cloth on your forehead and, again you hear the soft, motherly voice. “You’re all right, dear. You’ll be okay now.” You know you’ve heard the voice somewhere before. But where? And her name. Who is she?   
“Leia,” you whisper. And you remember! You remember Kylo promising to come back for you, you remember screaming and struggling as you were drugged and captured by the Resistance.   
Your eyes fly open and you blink furiously into the blinding light. You fight weakly against the restraints across your chest and around your wrists. You want to fly at her, scratch her eyes out, make her hurt as much as she’s hurt her son. You long to scream at her, call her every name in the galaxy. But the only sound to escape your lips is a broken sob.  
“(Y/N), please,” she begs as she removes the cloth from your head. “Please try and stay calm.” You whip your head from side to side, gnashing your teeth, trying to bite her hand as your eyes try to focus on the room around you.   
You remember the last time you heard her say your name. As she spoke to you from the hologram, telling you how she wanted to “save” you and the baby. You hadn’t even known you were pregnant then, and yet, somehow, she had. You hate her for it, hate her for the connection that she has to your husband and son.   
“We could give her another bit of sedative, just to take the edge off. I think she would respond well to it.” Your eyes fall another woman in the room. Older and looking careworn, she stands on the other side of your bed, a medical scanner in one hand and a vial in the other.   
Leia shakes her head and the sight of her makes you sick to your stomach. “I don’t want to keep giving her drugs. I don’t want to hurt the baby. I just need her to know that she’s safe now.”  
At the mention of your unborn child, all the hate immediately fades and is replaced with blind, gaping fear. “Don’t hurt him,” you whisper. “Please?” You watch as Leia’s face changes and the battle-weary Resistance general disappears.   
“Him?” she asks, staring at you. You watch as her eyes fill with tears. “A son?” Your own tears spill over and for a moment, the medical bay disappears, the doctor, the uniformed Mon Calamari standing next to her. All that remains are two mothers, terrified for their children’s lives. Leia reaches for your hand and you grimace, hating her touch. “You’re safe now. Both of you.”  
“Where is Kylo?” you choke. “If you hurt him…” You squeeze your eyes shut against the pain. Against the thought of losing him. The thought of how much more this woman who dares to call herself his mother can hurt him.  
“He’s fine,” Liea’s voice is low, but tinged with regret. “We wanted to get him out too, but there wasn’t time.” She lets go of your hand wipes her own tears. “Snoke was able to escape with him and we can only assume that he and Ben are both safe.”  
You know he wouldn’t leave you. He promised. Snoke must have coerced him, overpowered him. You know he wouldn’t leave you! You can picture him, fighting against the Force, against Supreme Leader Snoke’s unyielding powers. In tears, perhaps, screaming your name.  
“Don’t,” you mutter. “Don’t ever call him that.” You can feel your voice rising as you stare up at the pair of brown eyes, so like his. “I don’t care who you are or what you think you are to him. He is not yours! He will never be yours. I know what you did to him, how you destroyed him.”  
Leia sighs. The sadness in her eyes is unfathomable. But it’s nothing compared to what you’ve seen in her son’s eyes, what she’s put there.   
“He’s not yours anymore,” you tell her. “He’s mine now. Mine! “I’m the one that comforts him when he’s upset. He falls asleep in my arms at night! I’M PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD!” you scream. All your fear at seeing her is gone now and replaced with seething hate. You want to hurt her.   
“That’s right,” you continue, babbling almost incoherently as Leia and her two companions just stare at you. “Tell me General, did his father teach him any tricks? Your handsome, filthy smuggler? Did he ever have you sit on his face, with his tongue inside you. When he knocked you up, did you scream his name as you came. Han!” you cry mockingly into the silent Medbay.   
You watch as Leia’s face crumples and know that you’re truly breaking her heart. But in an instant, she’s recovered, taking a deep breath. “Enough.” Her tone is still tired, but it’s clear that she’s let you have your little tirade and now she’s back in control of the situation. She motions to the doctor, standing nearby. “Let her rest.”   
The doctor steps closer to your bed as she stabs a syringe into her vial. “Get away from me!” you shriek. If she touches you, giving you more of the sedative, you know what will happen. They’ll put you back to sleep and cut the baby right out of you! You’ll never see your son again! You’ll never see Kylo again. They’ll brainwash you into one of them, just a mindless Resistance drone. They’ll send your son off to Jedi training just like they did to his father. They’ll find your mother, Qica. They’ll destroy everything you love.  
The thought of being in their power and all the ways they can hurt you makes your head reel and before you know it, you’ve vomited down your chest, choking and coughing on the acid. “Put her out, then clean her up.” Leia’s voice is brisk and efficient. “This isn’t good for her.”  
Though you turn away from her, Leia is still able to wipe your mouth with the damp cloth in her hand. But it’s not enough to distract you from the pain of the needle plunging into your arm. Between your sobbing and coughing, you can only utter one word. “Please?” you beg all three of them. You beg everyone else on the ship. Anyone in the galaxy who might be listening. “Please.”  
As the sedative takes effect, the last thing you feel is Leia’s hand on yours once again and hear her whispered words, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOD, this was hard to write! I hated having to abuse Leia, but it was so necessary from within Reader's headspace. I feel like I want to contact the ghost of Carrie Fisher and apologize now.


	13. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While his wife remains in the grip of the Resistance, Kylo must face a challenge when his faith is put to the test and he's forced to make a final choice.

You wake again, slower this time and unaware of your surroundings or where your arms and legs might be. You blink slowly, unable to take in your surroundings before your eyes drift closed again. Your memories rise to the surface, but remain fuzzy and blurred around the edges. You remember General Organa, the Mon Calamari and the nameless doctor with her drugs, with her syringe.  
You try to scream, to struggle against your bonds, but all you have the energy to do is swallow thickly before slumping back against the bed. You realize suddenly that someone is in the room beside you, you sense her presence and feel her breathing in time with yours.  
“(Y/N),” she whispers. “Are you awake?” You turn your head to gaze at her from beneath your heavy eyelids. She looks the same as you remember. The same brown eyes, lined from fatigue. He hair is up and wound around her head. Perhaps it’s just a trick of the light in the room or your drugged and blurred vision, but she looks worried. You blink heavily at her and try to arrange your placid features into a fierce scowl before your eyes drift closed again.  
“We were worried about you.” You hear her voice again through the haze. “We had to sedate you again. We were afraid you would hurt yourself…. Or the baby.” She pauses and you hear her hear her breath catch. “You have no idea how important you are to us. To me.”  
The baby! You struggle to free your bound hands, feeling the restraints cut into your wrists, as you desperately try to bring your hands to your stomach. Trying to feel the slight swelling there. Exhaustion overcomes frustration and again you slump back into the bed.  
Too weak and drugged to even use the Force to sense him inside you, you can only assume that he’s still there. Trusting in Leia’s words that the cares about the both of you. Putting your faith in this woman you fear, that you despise. This woman that had nearly destroyed your family before it was even formed. You squeeze your eyes shut as tears course down your cheeks.  
Opening your eyes again, you focus them on her face. “I hate you,” you whisper. She sighs heavily, bringing one hand up to brush against her eyes. You blink against the light reflected off her rings.  
“Yes, I’m sure you must,” she answers. “How can you not? Fearing the Resistance is what you’ve been taught. It’s all you’ve ever known.”   
Of course, it’s all you’ve ever known, you think. To fear and hate a dangerous and traitorous organization that murders innocent people, that kidnaps pregnant women, tearing them away from their families.   
Whatever else the First Order may be, whatever they perceive it to be, it is your home. It’s your father and mother, it’s Qica and Kylo and your unborn child. It’s comfort, it’s protection, it’s family. It’s been your life and anything beyond it, is inherently wrong.  
“We want to help you,” Leia continues. “You’ll be safe with us, with me. The Resistance will do everything in our power to protect you and, when the time comes, you can have your child with us and you’ll both be safe.”  
“Doesn’t matter,” you mumble as you shake your head infinitesimally. “They’ll come for me.” Though you like to keep Supreme Leader Snoke at arm’s length and are reluctant to place all your trust in him, your faith in Kylo remains unshakable. Even in the face of the Resistance. You know that he’ll go to the ends of the galaxy and destroy everyone in his path to get to you.   
You hear Leia sigh and you glance up in time to see her lower her head. “Either way,” she mutters. “We’ll be ready.”

 

Kylo Ren struggles against the grip on the Praetorian Guards holding him in place. He can feel their sharp armor gouging into his flesh through his clothing, but he doesn’t care. The pain gives him strength and he struggles harder as he glares up into the gnarled but passive face of his master.  
“We have to find her!” he snarls. “She was in your care and you let them take her!”  
“Silence!” Snoke roars as the guards shove Kylo down onto his knees. “You dare to stand here and accuse me when I have done everything, everything for you, for her!” Kylo growls low in his throat, a sound like a wounded animal. His eyes flashing up at Snoke, he remains silent but defiant.  
“You obey me,” the supreme leader pants, his normally ragged voice even more so. “You do as I tell you and only as I tell you.” He raises a hand and gestures at Kylo with a long finger, scolding him like a father would to his small son. “You took her on as an apprentice and trained her because I told you to, you fell in love with her because I told you to. I foresaw and planned it all. Now, you will not lift a finger to find her unless I say so.”  
Kylo stares at his master in disbelief. Even if it’s true that Snoke saw and planned it all, pulling the strings and moving him and (Y/N) around like pieces on a Dejarik board, Kylo is shocked at the revelation. Even if he never once acted on his own free will, he will act on it now.  
“It’s too late. She is lost now and you will accept it,” Snoke rumbles. “She has served her purpose and we have gained all we can from her. Let the Resistance have her. They will destroy her anyway and we needn’t worry.” He glares down at Kylo, daring him to resist. “The loss of the child is…” he pauses and, for the first time in Kylo’s memory, shows something akin to compassion as he carefully considers his next words. “Regrettable,” he finishes. “But it is as it should be and we cannot change it. We cannot risk an attempt to retrieve her. It would be too dangerous.”  
Kylo rises to slowly to his feet. The guards flanking him on either side stand back, allowing him to move. “Dangerous?” he asks. And he is tired, tired of following orders, tired of having this voice in his head, controlling his every move. Tired of living his entire life as it has been foreseen, moving around Snoke like an orbiting moon.   
Snoke glares back at him, “Careful, my son,” he warns. “That you do not question me. Remember you place and remember your master.” Kylo remembers. He remembers Snoke telling him that loving (Y/N) was not the simpering love of his stupid parents, that it was a love born of fear and obsession. That obsession, that fear for his wife and child still burns like a flame within him. And he remembers something else. He remembers putting her on his shuttle and telling her to stay strong, to remain true to him, faithful to their family and to never let Snoke get all the way into her head.   
He remembers. He knows. And he is free. “I will find her,” he warns the looming figure of Snoke. “I will defy you, I will destroy you! I will rip this galaxy apart to get to her!” With a swift movement, Kylo throws his arms out and the Praetorian Guards go flying into the distant walls.   
“Kylo, NO!” Snoke roars. “Do not do this!”   
“It’s too late!” Kylo screams back, his throat raw. With another sweep of his arm, the tall pillars on either side of Snoke’s throne come tumbling down on him, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake.  
With Snoke and his guards incapacitated, Kylo runs. He runs for the door, for a ship, for the blackness of space itself.  
He remembers the last time he fled from his master as his parting words echo in Kylo’s ears as he draws and ignites his saber. “Go to her.”


	14. Points of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the lives of his wife and unborn child hang in the balance, Kylo must live with the consequences of his actions and stand by his decision. Meanwhile General Organa is nearly out of options and must her own difficult choice.

Kylo Ren’s shuttle hurls through space, the cramped cockpit silent save for the sound of its pilot’s labored breathing. He knows he only has so much time before the supreme leader awakens and realizes his apprentice’s betrayal. Only so much time before they pursue him.   
Kylo tries not to think about the day’s events as his fingers fly over the ship’s controls. He knows he has betrayed and possibly killed his master, he knows that he can never go back, but his purpose is clear. He may be alone but he knows it won’t be for long. If they have his wife and their unborn child, then he will find them. He will fight his way through the Resistance and the First Order if he has to, he will rip apart the very fabric of the Galaxy to get back to them.   
Suddenly his fingers still on the console. He feels the pull of the Force, of them. Frantically, he punches in some random coordinates and makes the jump to lightspeed. Quiet within the sanctuary of the whirling stars, Kylo slows his breathing. He reaches out. His bond with her is deeper even than that he had with his master and he knows he can feel her, wherever they may have taken her. He knows The Resistance has her. As he closes his eyes and breathes, he sees her face. Dark hair and brown eyes so much like his own. His mother! Where are they?!  
Kylo listens. Through the thrumming of the ships engines, he hears a heartbeat. It’s faint at first but grows louder as he listens. He knows that rhythm well. He remembers all the mornings he’d awakened to its sound, his head resting on (Y/N)’s chest as he watched the sun rise. He remembers every night that his fingertips or his cock had sent that steady beat into a frenzied tattoo of pleasure.   
The rhythm slows and in between the beats, Kylo hears another sound, softer but much quicker. He listens until it grows into a roar, pulsing in his own head. He sees the face of his despised father, the face of Supreme Leader Snoke and again, a pair of brown eyes, familiar but not. And Kylo Knows that he is seeing his own son. He feels the child’s lifeforce and his power.   
He hears (Y/N) in his head, the sound of her breathing and her voice calling his name. His fingers move of their own volition, flying over the ship’s controls, punching in unfamiliar coordinates. Kylo is slammed back into reality, his Force vision ripped from him as his shuttle slams him back into hyperspace. 

General Organa stands by the bed and stares at the young woman lying there. It’s been several hours since she and Dr. Kalonia made the decision to place her in a medically induced coma for her own safety and that of the baby that she’s carrying. Leia stares at her impassive face, as the beeping of her heart monitor fills the room. She’s quite pretty, really, when she’s not shrieking and thrashing around or vomiting on herself. Leia sighs and brushes a lock of hair back from her daughter in law’s forehead. She isn’t quite sure what to do with this girl. All she knew when planning her rescue was that she had to get her away from Supreme Leader Snoke and the influence of her son. She hadn’t bargained on her being completely uncooperative to the point of being combative. She hadn’t counted on having to keep her in a state of unconsciousness.  
“My dear girl,” Leia whispers as she looks at all the normal reading on the monitors.   
She hears the sound of shuffling footsteps behind her and turns as Admiral Ackbar enters the room. Leia smiles at her old friend and together they look down at (Y/N)’s sleeping form. “How is she doing?” Ackbar asks as he glances at the readout from the fetal heart monitor.   
“She’s stable,” Leia answers. “They both are.” She sighs as she lowers herself into the bedside chair. “I just wanted to chance to connect to her, to save her. But she’s so….” Leia pauses.  
“Resistant?” Ackbar offers and a sad smile graces Leia’s tired face at his choice of words.   
“Yes, she is,” Leia agrees. Despite her frustration at the situation and at this stubborn girl, Leia is almost proud of her. Proud of her strength and her absolute, unflinching loyalty to her family. The older woman looks down at her daughter in law. Studying her parted lips and the way her lashes fan out against her flushed cheeks. Even in sleep, her folded hands rest protectively against the slight swelling of her stomach.  
A surge of maternal longing grips Leia’s heart and the urge to climb into the bed next to her almost overwhelms her, the urge to hold her in her arms and tell her that everything will be all right. She wants to comfort this girl, wants to believe that she’s somehow still not lost to her.   
“I’ve been considering…” Ackbar’s voice breaks Leia from her reverie and she returns to reality, blinking back tears. “In her current state, from which we don’t know if she’ll recover.” Leia considers this too. The idea to induce the coma had been discussed before it was implemented, of course, but it still feels like a rash and somewhat hasty decision. A quick fix where the long-term consequences weren’t totally thought out. In addition to recovering from the recent losses sustained from the First Order and strategizing a new battle plan against them, the Resistance and General Organa in particular are now burdened with this pregnant and comatose girl that no one really knows what to do with.  
“I know how personal this is for you,” Ackbar continues. “And how difficult. Believe me, General, I do sympathize. But perhaps we should consider how much of an asset she truly is to us before you continue putting her and yourself through any more unwarranted stress.”  
Leia knows that this conversation was inevitable. Ever since they had brought her, literally kicking and screaming aboard the ship, (Y/N) had been volatile and uncooperative. With her dreams of a saving her daughter in law passing with every hour, Leia must now admit the truth that she’s now inundated the Resistance with one more unneeded burden.  
Admiral Ackbar places a hand on Leia’s shoulder and sighs heavily. “Perhaps, now that she is no longer a threat… ” His large eyes flick up to the heart monitor and together, he and the general listen to the steady beeping emanating from it. “Perhaps she may be expendable after all.”

 

You feel them moving around you. Of course you do, though their words drift in and out. You feel General Organa’s hesitation and Admiral Ackbar’s resolve. Do they feel yours? Even with all they drugs they’re continually pumping into your system, do they still fear you? Do they have visions of you awaking, ripping the lines and probes from your body and rising off the bed? Because you do. With every drip of your IV, you grow stronger. With every attempt to subvert you, you gain power. They have no idea.   
You know it’s only a matter or time before Kylo comes for you, before he destroys whatever lies in his path to reach you. If you block out the sounds of their inane chatter (to kill you or not to kill you?) and the incessant beeping of the monitors attached to you, you can feel him. You can feel his anger and his fear. That obsessive fear that Snoke spoke of so long ago.   
And what of your Supreme Leader? Is he perhaps on the warpath to find you too? Or has he decided that, once in possession of the Resistance, that you are no longer the asset he thought you once were. Perhaps you’re not worth fighting for as long as he has Kylo Ren. But he doesn’t have Kylo. And he hasn’t for a long time. Kylo’s heart and soul, every ounce of his powers are so deeply entwined with yours, with your child’s that Snoke may have already realized he’s lost his apprentice. Which makes him an enemy now and no longer an ally.  
It doesn’t matter, you think as you drift back into unconsciousness. He’ll destroy them all. Every last one of them until only the three of you remain.  
In dreams, he comes to you, callused fingers and soft lips. You reach out to him, but your fingers clutch at only the empty space between you. He is all around you, even inside you. You cry out, his name on your lips as you feel him enter you. But your voice is swept away. You feel his weight pressing down on you and long to see his face, how his eyes clench shut and his lips tremble as his climax approaches. You smell the scent of his hair of his sweat, as you feel your own body tense up. Even at your most intimate (at Count Dooku’s palace or on your period) it has never been like this. You feel him more than you ever have and know that he is somehow nearby, as close as the building orgasm that quickens your breathing and makes your toes curl.

Leia considers Ackbar’s words after he has left her alone in the medical bay. She continues to watch the heart monitor and wonder at terminating something so alive, so vital. Even as she stares at the monitor, the lines begin to jump erratically on the screen as the rate increases. She watches as (Y/N)’s head turns from side to side on the pillow as her breathing becomes rapid and shallow. She trains against her restraints as her whole body tenses up, her fingers twitching as her hands lay over her stomach.   
Leia reaches for the comm. link on the wall nearby to call Dr. Kalonia as something is very clearly wrong. But no sooner has he finger hit the button than (Y/N) relaxes back onto the bed and her vital signs return back to normal. Leia continues to page the doctor and have her come check her patient. Meanwhile her heads toward the bridge to alert the crew. While she’s no Jedi, Leia knows the Force, knows how it works and has seen it in action. And unless she’s very much mistaken, (Y/N)’s reaction can only mean one thing. He may be alone or he may have the might of the entire First Order behind him, but it will only be a matter of time before Leia comes face to face with her son.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is of the essence. As the galaxy brings Kylo and his wife closer together, both the First Order and the Resistance hesitate on their actions and how this reunion will impact all of their futures.

As Leia sits on the command bridge of the Resistance ship, she ponders the dilemma at hand. There are so many variables to consider. Quietly and humanely ending the lives of (Y/N) and her child may ease a burden and answer the question of what to do with an uncooperative girl who is only a danger to everyone around her when she’s awake. But if the seasoned general is afraid of anything in the Galaxy, it’s her son. Rather it’s the son she’s lost and what has taken his place.   
Leia knows many truths and many fears, whether she voices them or not. And in this moment, she fears that it’s only a matter of time, perhaps a very short amount of time, until Commander Ren finds his wife. And whatever her current state, Kylo will want his revenge. Dead or alive, this girl could hold the fate of the entire Resistance in her hands.   
“Ready all weapons,” Leia bursts out suddenly, ignoring the startled faces of her crew. “We’re about to have company.” The ship that appears out of hyperspace is strangely familiar to her and terrifying in its familiarity. Even more terrifying is her uncertainty. What will he do? If Leia knows Kylo Ren (as much as she doesn’t know him at all), he is determined, ruthless and utterly unpredictable. Maybe the easiest course of action would be to shove the still-unconscious (Y/N) into an escape pod, jettison into space and let him retrieve her. This would at least give Leia and her crew time to escape.  
“Now don’t move,” she cautions her crew. “Nobody do anything until I say so.” Everyone’s attention is focused on the ship nearby. Nobody blinks, nobody breathes. They wait.  
As the lights dim, the holographic image of the formidable Kylo Ren flickers to life, bathing the crew in blue light. He stands there, head bowed, cape and cowl unruffled and mask firmly in place. His voice, cold and calculating, fills the bridge.  
“You will hand her over, unharmed. Or I will destroy your ship and make certain there are no survivors.” Frightened and defiant eyes flick toward their general, awaiting her orders and fingers twitch toward the control panel. But no one moves.   
“Weapons are ready, General,” a voice whispers near Leia’s shoulder and she waves a dismissive hand toward it. Somehow, this standoff has became about something more that the Resistance versus the First Order. Leia notices that Kylo’s ship is unaccompanied and remains that way. There is no assistance, no mighty supreme leader behind him. This is not about good versus evil. This is about family. And the stakes have never been higher.  
The holographic Kylo ignites his light saber, casting an eerie glow onto the silver lines of his mask. “And if any harm comes to her, I will not rest until I have slaughtered every last one of you and everyone you care about.” His voice falters she he pauses. “Including you, general.” The hologram flickers once, then disappears.  
“It’s one command shuttle, General,” one of the ship’s gunners calls across the bridge, breaking the silence. “We could destroy it easily, eliminate Kylo Ren for good!” His fingers hover over the trigger, but Leia holds her hand out to stop him.  
“No,” Leia answers. “It isn’t worth the risk. He’ll stop at nothing to get her. We can’t…” she stops. Even in his unrecognizable state, with the hate of the First Order flowing through his veins, she still finds herself unable to justify the killing of her son. She knows she’ll let him escape and, what’s more, she’ll let him have (Y/N) back. It’s one of the few things she can still give him.   
“The resistance can’t afford such a loss of life,” she finishes. It’s a poor excuse, she knows. And she may well be removed from command for it. But it will render a somewhat peaceful resolution.   
Leia strides across the bridge, stopping behind the chair of one of her comms. officers “Open a channel of communication,” she orders. “Tell him we have… what he wants. But…” she adds struck with sudden inspiration. “What will he give us in return?”   
She’s gambling a lot on that question and she knows it. But as long as the comatose (Y/N) is on board their ship, Leia knows they have the advantage. And she refuses to be entirely swayed by familial bonds.   
No sooner have the comms. officer’s fingers flown over the keypad that she’s reporting on an incoming transmission. “His response, General: First Order Star Destroyers are en route currently and are locked into our position. If she’s not on board his shuttle with him when they arrive, they’ll attack.” She pauses, squinting at the screen in front of her. There’s also something that looks like coordinates and a star chart.” Leia looks over her shoulder and studies the unknown location. Why would he send them a star chart? And where does it lead?  
“It could be a trap,” Admiral Ackbar’s voice comes from somewhere behind Leia. “It could be,” she nods. Deciding that it ultimately doesn’t matter. Kylo Ren could have sent them an entry from his own personal log and it would matter less. All that matters is the exchange at hand.   
“Get me MedBay,” Leia whispers to her comms. officer. As she and Ackbar exit the bridge, Leia gives commands to Dr. Kalonia. “Do what you can to wake her up and put her in an escape pod. She’s no longer our problem. If Kylo Ren wants her, he can have her.”  
“And if she doesn’t survive the journey?” Dr. Kalonia asks as Leia and Admiral Ackbar enter the medical bay. She studies a datapad with (Y/N)’s latest vital signs on it.   
“That’s a risk we’re willing to take,” Leia responds. He eyes lock with Ackbar’s and they are in agreement. It was a mistake to take her. Whoever this girl is and whatever powers she holds, she isn’t worth all this. If Leia’s son is truly lost to her, her daughter in law now is too.  
Dr. Kalonia nods at her orders and begins disconnecting (Y/N) from the monitoring equipment and takes out her IV. “It may be hours before she wakes,” she cautions the general and admiral, but they both nod. “Have a nurse wheel her bed to the nearest escape pod and put her in. It’s all we can do,” Leia responds. There is a hint of sadness there, of unspoken regret, but her voice is firm.  
Dr. Kalonia motions to a nurse hovering nearby and together they check the last of the monitoring equipment and wheel the bed back away from the wall. “We’ll take over from here, General,” the doctor says with a smile. “You’re probably needed back on the bridge.”   
Leia looks down at her daughter in law one last time before she loses her for good. Her breathing has already increased and her eyelids are fluttering. Leia is tired of losing people she loves, of trying in vain to save them. At this moment, her crew and the Resistance need her, the entire galaxy needs her more that her lost and broken excuse for a family does.  
“Get her out of here,” Leia commands, waving her hand dismissively. “We may not have much time.” She watches as the doctor and nurse wheel the hospital bed out of the medical bay and down the corridor. Admiral Ackbar places a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’s for the best,” he murmurs. Leia blinks back tears, but she feels her heart harden and her resolve strengthen. She’ll never know this girl as anything but the thrashing, shrieking creature she saw a glimpse of. She’ll never have a chance to hold her grandchild. The child will be a child of the First Order, raised on hate and propaganda, living in the shadow of his or her great grandfather. The same shadow that haunts Kylo Ren, will continue to keep his family in darkness and Leia is powerless to stop it.

Consciousness is elusive. Even as you’re aware of your breathing, you feel disconnected from your body and unable to locate your hands or feet. Someone is speaking nearby but their words are indistinct. Is it the doctor? Than damned Mon Calamari again? The effort of listening is too much for you and again you sink back into the haze of sleep.   
You struggle to awake. Is it merely minutes later or several days? Time is meaningless in your current state. But your fingers and toes seem to be back and you take that as a good sign. All your attention focuses on a single spot on your left hand, on the black wedding ring that Kylo had sent you. You feel your pulse beating behind the plasteel surface as you slowly wiggle your fingers.  
“That’s it, my love,” a deep voice coaxes you. It’s familiar but you can’t quite place it. Is it your father? No. Not him. Someone else. Someone important. That voice, talking you to sleep at night, awaking you in the mornings, Jogan fruit and Sapir tea and KYLO!  
Your eyes fly open as you gasp for breath. And miraculously, he is there. His face, blurry as your eyes focus. He crouches over you, gently stroking your forehead as you lie on… the floor? The surface is hard and you twitch your shoulders uncomfortably against it.  
“Don’t try to get up,” Kylo cautions as he places a gloved hand on your shoulder. “You’ve been through quite the ordeal and you need to rest.” You smile gratefully at him as he continues. “As soon as we land, we’ll have a medical droid look at you.”  
“Where are we?” you ask as the feeling slowly returns to the rest of your body, spreading from your fingers and toes. You have an endless amount of questions but, at the moment, this one seems to be the most important.   
“On my command shuttle,” Kylo answers. “We’ll be landing on base soon. I have some… business to attend to when we arrive, but your mother will be there. She’ll look after you.”  
“Can I get up, now?” you ask, shifting again against the hard surface of the floor. Kylo gingerly helps you into the copilot’s seat and you lean your head back, watching the shifting patterns of light speed dance across the ship’s ceiling.  
“Can I ask what happened?” you ask him. “Is there any sense in that, or will you refuse to tell me?” Kylo kneels by your seat and gently takes your hand in his. Bringing it to his lips, he mutters, “It doesn’t matter. You’re with me now. And nothing will ever change that. Not ever again.”  
You smile at him again, at his protective and possessive nature. Of course, he’ll spare you the truth if it means not hurting you. And your memories of the last several days are vague at best. You do remember being violently captured by the Resistance and coming face to face with General Organa. You remember the doctor with her syringe, but that’s really all.  
Leaning forward in your chair, you press your fingers to your temples as the first tendrils of pain creep into your head. As you sit forward, you catch a glimpse of the control panel in front of you and the message on it. The lines of Aurebesh blend together but the words “Supreme Leader Snoke is dead” stand out and you gasp. Before you have a chance to read more, Kylo’s hand has shot out and deactivated the screen.   
You look up at him, eyes wide and mouth gaping open. “Kylo?” you ask and a flood of new questions comes to mind. But he shakes his head.   
“It doesn’t matter,” he says firmly. “Not right now. All that matters right now is seeing that you get prompt medical care and that you and our son are both healthy. Like I said, your mother will take care of you while I attend to some things. Then nothing will stand in our way.”  
Do his words mean what you think they do? You open your mouth to speak, but Kylo leans toward you and silences your words, pressing his mouth to yours. He pulls away and fixes you with a burning stare. The fire behind his eyes is almost blinding, yet you can’t look away. “You understand me, (Y/N),” his voice is low, almost a whisper. “Nothing will stand in our way. It’s you and me and I’ll give you the whole fucking galaxy. My wife, my queen.”   
You sit back in your seat again, closing your eyes as the ships jerks out of hyperspace.


	16. Mother/Daughter Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sparks flare as Kylo leaves his wife in the care of her mother and the two make up for lost time.

You arrive back on base, delivered from Kylo’s arms straight into your mother’s. The glare she gives him is threatening but not too much so. Certainly, she’s given you worse. Though she does glance at your stomach and the briefest flicker of a smile crosses her face.   
Kylo raises his hand in a farewell gesture before turning and boarding his shuttle again. Though he doesn’t say a word, his eyes speak volumes and you know you’ll see him again soon enough. It seems, at least for the time being, he and your mother have reached some sort of agreement. He does trust her enough to leave you in her care.   
“I don’t want to hear a word from you until you are safely in the infirmary and stabilized. Only then, can you explain yourself,” she warns as she helps load you into the waiting stretcher.   
It’s comforting to know that, despite everything that’s changed in the last several months, your fierce and protective mother remains the same. Oh, she must have given the Jedi a hard time back in the day! Would her former master, Darth Vader be proud of her today? You look at the ring on you left hand as it gently rests on your swollen stomach and back up at your mother’s face, her jaw set and barely containing the urge to roll her eyes and you smile. He would be proud, you think, proud of you all.  
Once you’ve safely reached the infirmary, your mother steps back as she lets the team of doctors and medical droids take over. Just like on the Resistance ship, they hook you up to the monitors and the medicine. But unlike the Resistance, the First Order, your family doesn’t feel the need to keep you in a drug induced stupor.  
“I don’t know what you were thinking!” your mother calls from the corner of the room, where she stands, still glowering at you through the sea of droids and white coats that surround you. “How you got yourself into all this!”  
“Tell me again, mother,” you answer. “How any of this is actually my fault? Does the word ‘kidnap’ mean nothing to you? How about the word... Ouch!” you cry as one of the droids inserts a needle into your arm. You scowl at him, but his droid face remains as impassive and inhuman as ever. So much for the loving and emotional mother/daughter reunion you had pictured. Instead, you are going to argue in front of the base’s entire medical team. That’s fine.  
“Oh, I see,” she nods as she steps closer to your bed. “You weren’t there when you got pregnant! Not an active participant in that, eh? Praise the Gods, that you were at least married and didn’t have the baby out of wedlock. And married, (Y/N)? Don’t suppose you could have invited your mother to that?”  
This time, it’s you turn to roll your eyes. She can be so dramatic sometimes and its infuriating.   
“Really,” you tell her. “It’s not like we had time to send out gilded invitations or anything!” You feel your own voice soften as you go on to explain to her. “I kind of got sidelined, here. First, I got a message from General Organa of all people, basically telling me ‘Surprise! Your birth control doesn’t work anymore.’ Then it was the Sup…” you pause. The former supreme leader? Is he really dead?  
“Anyway,” you continue, “Then I found out that the Resistance was coming for me and I had to be evacuated. So, it really was a very sudden thing. And not my fault!” you add as an afterthought.   
She stares at you from across the room and you stare back. The team of doctors and droids politely ignores you both. Neither one of you likes to back down from a good argument and you’ve had some good ones over the years. But it’s you that finally breaks first, yelping as you feel yet another needle in your arm. “If you poke me again, I will personally escort you to the spice mines on Kessel and watch you get melted down!” You slap at the droid, but it’s too late. He’s already done his job, administered his drugs and has moved away from you. Damn droids.   
“Did you give the Resistance this much trouble?” you mother asks as she walks up to the bed. Memories flood your mind, swearing at General Organa and screaming at anyone who got near you, throwing up on yourself and struggling at your restraints, drifting in and out of sleep.   
“Much more,” you sulk as you stare at the ceiling. Your mother looks down at you as tears fill her eyes. “You idiot girl. You can’t know how glad I am that, after everything that’s happened, that you’re all right.”  
“I’m fine,” you answer. You sound like a pouting child and you know it. “I just want to know what’s going on. Where Kylo is, when he’ll be back. What the fuck happened to Supreme Leader Snoke?!”  
“Language, (Y/N),” she answers in a bored voice and you scowl at her again until her own face softens. “A lot has happened, darling.” She mumbles as she reaches down to stroke your face. “And there are many more things that have yet to happen. Right now, you need to focus on getting better and staying healthy. Your body had been through quite the ordeal, you know.”  
You sigh. You’re sick of resting. Sick of hospital beds and drugs, sick of being pregnant and of being told what to do. Are you not a married woman now? Carrying the child of Kylo Ren? They say they want what’s best for you, but they treat you like a five-year old. You sigh as you look up at your mother’s worried face. “I’ll be good,” you promise. And she smiles.   
“You should sleep,” she coaxes you, resting her hand on your shoulder. “Both of you,” she adds, giving a stern look at your stomach.   
You can’t help but laugh. “You’re not going to be able to order him around for long, you know? He’s going to have a mind of his own as soon as he’s born.”  
“He?” You watch as your mother’s eyes widen. “It’s a boy? You know that?”  
“It’s one of the few things I was told.” You can’t help keep the resentment out of your voice as you remember Snoke and his sadistic manipulations. Part of you hopes he is dead now, but another part of you wonders where that will leave you: the apprentice of his apprentice?  
“That’s… that’s wonderful, darling!” she exclaims. Her eyes flick from your face, down to your stomach. “May I?” she asks as she holds out a hand.   
You nod. “Of course.”  
She gently places both hands on your belly and leans her head down close to you. From your vantage point on the pillow, it looks almost she’s praying over you. He voice is barely audible as she whispers.  
“Hello, my little one,” she croons. “You don’t know me yet, but I’m your grandmother. While your mommy and daddy are busy being boring and ruling the galaxy, you and I are going to get into all sorts of trouble. I love you so much already, baby boy.”  
You picture her holding his tiny form as you and Kylo look on, proudly. If he doesn’t have his father’s eyes, maybe he’ll have hers. You can see them playing as he hides from her and she catches him. The laughter and love in their eyes. Suddenly your vision is filled with his entire future. And it’s beautiful.   
You laugh again as you feel the tears fill your own eyes. Despite all your differences, all your arguments and sarcastic comments, you still love her. And despite everything that’s happened and everything that still has yet to happen, it feels good to be home at last.


	17. A Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kylo attends to business, his wife lies alone in her hospital bed. Resting and healing is the order of the day, so she is surprised when an "old friend" drops in for a visit.

The room is dim, the only light is from the small lamp over your bed. You’ve gotten used to the gentle hum of the machines and the steady beeping of your heart monitor.  
So, when a new sound is introduced, the change is enough to rouse you from your sleep. Rubbing your eyes, you blink into the dark doorway at the looming figure there. “Who’s there?” you ask. You know both your mother and the infirmary staff would have a fit if you just used the Force to slam the visitor into the wall and ask questions later. Even though that is your first instinct.  
He steps into the room, uniform impeccable and not a ginger hair out of place. “General Hux?” you ask in disbelief, struggling to sit up in the bed. Between the wires and tubes and your growing belly, sitting up is getting harder and harder.  
You stare incredulously at your visitor. “What are you doing here?” you ask, stifling a yawn. Hux smooths an imaginary wrinkle in his uniform and glances around the empty room.  
“I merely wanted to guarantee that we had some degree of privacy.” You look at the readout on the wall and back to him.   
“At O two hundred hours?” You ask. “What is so dire that it needs to be discussed right now? And what is it that you don’t want to say in front of my team of doctors or my mother?” You pause as you take in the change in expression that flits over his pale, pointed features.   
“Or maybe it’s my husband you want to keep secrets from?” You know the relationship between and Kylo and Hux is strained at best and fraught with animosity at the worst.  
“Nonsense,” Hux replies. “My relationship with Commander Ren is of the utmost…”  
“Do you really want to finish that sentence in front of me?” you ask, interrupting him. “And are you sure you should still be calling him ‘Commander’?”  
Hux sighs, pursing his lips and you can tell this conversation isn’t going the way he had wanted. You are no longer the timid and intimidated girl he first encountered so many months ago. And that frustrates him.  
“General, please” you continue. “There is nothing to be gained here from us lying to each other. So, in the interest of saving time, and letting me get back to sleep, can you just tell me why you’re here… in my hospital room. In the middle of the night.”  
“I wanted to welcome you back, Miss…” you hear him stumble over your maiden name, unsure of how to address you now. “I wanted to personally welcome you back and see to it that all your needs are being met. The First Order is grateful that no lasting harm has come to you.”  
Now it’s your turn to sigh. “I thought you weren’t going to lie to me, General. You could have told me all of that in a public address with all the bells and whistles. So why the secrecy?”  
“You been through quite the ordeal, these past several days, being a prisoner of the Resistance,” Hux says slowly, as if carefully choosing his words. “I… well, the First Order wants to make sure your loyalty hasn’t wavered, hasn’t been influenced.”  
At his words, your anger flares and you snap at him. “First of all, General and with all due respect, you were not there and had no idea what I went through.”   
You could give him a laundry list of all the different ways you refused to cooperate or the ways in which you fought back while you were captured. You could tell him about the doctor with her syringe or the emotional General Organa. Perhaps he’d like to hear how the spent the entire time while conscious, screaming and throwing up on them.  
You’re certain that Hux even would love the hear all the gory details of how you’d suffered. And maybe even what Snoke had put you through prior to your capture by the Resistance. But you won’t grant him that. Right now, you’re tired, pregnant and all out of patience.  
“Secondly,” you say as you tick off items on your fingers. “Whose orders are you here on? Certainly not Supreme Leader Snoke’s. If rumors are true General, then he’s dead. And next in line would be…” You gasp sarcastically. “His apprentice!”  
You watch with satisfaction as Hux’s temper flares and his carefully constructed façade starts to crumble. “You husband,” he sneers. “Is about to come into more power that someone like him would know what to do with! He will hold the fate of the entire First Order in his hands.”  
“If you’re somehow trying to turn me against him, that’s not going to…”   
“He could destroy everything we’ve worked so hard to rebuild,” Hux interrupts. “Everything your father worked to rebuild everything he died for.”   
And that is where you draw the line. You know that Hux and Kylo bickered like antagonistic children, vying for Snoke’s attention and approval. That history dates back long before your arrival. You’ll allow him to spew whatever vitriol about you husband he wishes, but mentioning your father, bringing his untimely and still very painful death into your argument is unacceptable.  
“General!” you snap. “You’ll kindly leave my parents out of this.” The thought of slamming him into the wall is starting to sound more and more appealing. “Listen, if all that this is, is a casual, late night, hospital room discussion of where my faith lies, I would advise you to look no further than to your new Supreme Leader and my husband.” Hux scowls at your words, folding his arms defensively across his chest.  
“My loyalty has always been and always will be to him. If Kylo Ren is the First Order, then I remain faithful to the First Order. It’s simple, really.”  
“And what if he should fall from grace?” Hux asks. “Would you fall with him?”   
“Of course,” you answer. “I would gladly dive in after him.”  
“Then you’re no better that he is,” Hux sneers taking a step closer to your bed. You may look helpless, lying there, attached to IV drips, oxygen and feeding tubes. But he’s a fool if he thinks he can so much as lay a finger on you.   
You glare up at him. “If that’s the way you feel, General. Then perhaps it’s your own loyalty and not mine that needs to be examined. Now get out of my room. And the next time you fancy another late-night chat with me, you can have it with the guards that will be at my door. Now, may I have someone escort you back to your quarters?”   
Hux draws in a deep breath and raises a hand. Perhaps to tell you more or maybe to backhand you across the face. But he does neither. He clenches his jaw tight, turns on his heel and storms from the room.   
You lie awake for several hours after he leaves. It seems you’ve made another enemy, though you’re not too worried about it. The General may seem like a great threat on the surface. But you know he’ll never be able to touch you. If what he implied is true, and Kylo will be the next Supreme Leader, then no one will touch you ever again. It’s a harrowing thought, that much power.   
Finally, you fall asleep, into fitful dreams with one last waking thought about Hux. “I wonder if he still thinks I’m pretty.”


	18. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting fed up with her boring and sedentary lifestyle in the infirmary, Kylo's wife wonders when he will return from whatever business he's attending to. And what will be the repercussions of his return.

The following morning, as soon as she sits down in the chair beside your bed, you level your mother with a stare and demand, “I want a guard stationed outside my room.”  
She blinks in concern and confusion. “Whatever for?” she asks. “You know the base is safe. This whole planet is safe. No one can touch you here.”  
You frown at her. “Just like Supreme Leader Snoke’s compound was safe too? But someone found me there, didn’t they? Look, Mother. I Know you’re here and I know that everyone else is here and I have the best protection in the galaxy now.” You sigh and scratch vaguely at the bandage on your forehead. “But I’m not going to feel totally safe until he’s back.”  
He doesn’t even need to be named. You mother knows automatically who you’re talking about. She knows the dark and frantic bond between you, knew it long before you did. Just like the supreme leader, she played her role in setting your life on its current trajectory.  
She grabs your wrist and gently moves your hand away from your face. “Don’t scratch,” she cautions. “It needs to heal.” The head injury, sustained during your capture by the Resistance should be healed by now. You’re convinced that the (itchy) bandage is just a precaution. Like the IV’s, the feeding tube and the constant heart and fetal monitoring. Like the fucking bed is a precaution! You’re still able to walk for Gods’ sake.  
“If it bothers you that much,” she says. “And I can see that it does. Then we’ll talk to General Hux about it and see what we can do.”  
You wrinkle your nose at her words, your recent encounter with the general still fresh in your mind. “Why do we have to talk to him?” you ask. Of all the people you’d have to deal with, he’s the last one you’d want.  
“Because, darling,” your mother speaks slowly, as if addressing a four-year old. “He’s the highest-ranking officer on the base and all decisions have to go through him. At least until your devoted husband returns.”  
“Is that your attempt at sarcasm?” you ask. “Because it’s way too early for that crap. And I’m really not interested in playing the ‘Who Loves (Y/N) More game.”  
You wave you hand dismissively at her. “Fine,” you snap. “You talk to Hux. Just get someone outside my goddamn door before I get kidnapped again.”  
After she leaves you room with the excuse of giving you time to rest, you lay back in the bed and think. The lack of communication from Kylo the last few days has been unnerving. If all the hints are true and Snoke is dead, then it would make sense that he would be poised to take over as the new supreme leader. If that is indeed true, it raises several questions. Chief, among them is why the pregnant wife of the soon-to-be supreme leader does not have a fucking guard outside her hospital room?   
Secondly you wonder how this new appointment will affect Kylo, your relationship and, most importantly, his safety and well-being. On more than one occasion he’s mentioned a desire to betray Snoke and abandon the First Order. Now, being thrust into the center of it, will he rise to the challenge or crack under the pressure.   
No, you think, as your hand automatically goes back to the bandage on your head. He won’t crack. You think of Snoke and all the pressure he’d put on Kylo, quite literally torturing him into submission. You think of General Hux, the tension between them and his constant challenging of Kylo’s authority.   
He’ll be free to rule the way he wants now, the way the First Order needs. And with you next to him, you know that nothing will stand in your way.  
The following day, FN-9411 introduces himself before taking up his position outside your door, helmet firmly on and blaster in place. You wonder if he was any one of the myriad stormtroopers that had escorted you to and from your training sessions with Kylo. How long ago all that seems now. You remember when you first met, staring at each other from across the conference table. You were terrified of him. Now you can barely survive without him.  
Several days pass uneventfully. Your bandage is finally removed along with your feeding tube and oxygen. The heart monitor stays in place for the baby, though your own comes off. You welcome the silence, free from the incessant beeping. Perhaps the doctors realized how excessive all of it was. You’re still confined to your bed and only allowed to leave for short elimination breaks.   
One afternoon, after you’ve finished lunch and you mother has left to give you time to rest (all you ever do anymore is rest), you’re about to drift off to sleep when the sound of voices outside your door brings you back to reality. You can’t make out any words of course, but one of the voices is achingly familiar and tugs at your heart, even from behind the voice modulator in the mask.  
You sit up in bed, straining to see around the corner and around the door. You briefly consider tearing off the fetal monitor, jumping out of bed and running to him, but think better of it. Chances are, you’re in this bed on his orders and you’d hate to upset him by treating him to the sight of you staggering across the room toward him. Instead you wait, smoothing your hair and thanking the gods that your mother had been helping you to comb it every morning.  
Kylo Ren steps around the corner, looking monstrous in the tiny room. “Leave us,” he orders the stormtrooper lingering in the doorway behind him. You stare up at him (was he always that tall?) and drink him in, from the silver lines on his mask, to his broad shoulders, all the way down to the soles of his boots.  
He sits down on the chair by your bed and releases the mask’s faceplate, pulling it up over his head. He is beautiful and you can’t look at him enough. His wide eyes, framed with dark lashes, his long nose and full lips.   
He glances down and carefully removes his gloves before reaching out to touch your face. Dragging a fingertip down your cheek, he cocks his head as he stares at you. And after your daring rescue and your long absence, the first words out of his mouth are, “You look tired.”  
Of course, you look tired. You’re pregnant and miserable. But you smile at him and lean into his touch. “I’ve been confined to a bed for the past several days,” you respond, shrugging. “I’m not even sure my legs work anymore.”  
“Then I’ll carry you,” Kylo responds as he cups your cheek and rubs his thumb across your lower lip. “Everywhere I go, you’ll go with me.”  
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” you scoff, stretching and wiggling your toes. “I just want out of this bed!” Kylo replaces his gloves, rises from his chair and holds out an enormous hand to you. “Then let’s go,” he offers. You gaze up at him in shock. “Are you going to fight off my doctor with your lightsaber if he refuses to let me leave?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at him.  
Kylo shakes his head as he gently helps you turn and guides your legs over the side of the bed. “According to all the reports I’ve been getting, both you and the baby are doing well. The only reason you’ll still stuck in this bed is because I wanted to make sure you were safe until I returned. He grabs his mask from the table and jams it back over his face. “Come on. You have my permission to leave.”  
Of course. You should have known. Will there ever be a time when he is not obsessively protective and paranoid about your safety? Probably not, you think. Not after everything that’s happened. At this point, you’ll let him. You’ll let him do anything he wants and you’ll follow him wherever he goes.  
You stand on only slightly shaky legs, but he holds you steady as together, you cross the small room. Your stormtrooper guard bows to you as you pass through the door. “Alert her mother that she is with me,” Kylo orders him and he nods in acquiescence.  
You walk slowly down the corridor leading away from the infirmary, your bare feet cold on the floor. Leaning against Kylo, you struggle to catch your breath after only a few yards. Apparently, all that bedrest has taken its toll on you.   
“Are you all right?” he asks as he leans over.   
“Yes,” you pant. “Just a little… out of breath.” You smile up at him. “You tend to have that effect on me.” Kylo bends suddenly and sweeps you up into his arms.   
“I don’t believe you,” he responds as he effortlessly carries you down the corridor and toward the lift. “And I can always tell when you’re lying.”  
“Damn you anyway,” you mutter as you wrap your arms tightly around his neck. “Why do I even bother?”   
Once inside the lift, he looks down at you through the mask and asks, “Are you truly all right?” You nod vigorously and smile. Honestly, you hardly think you’ve ever been better.   
“I am… now. But you promise me,” you hiss through clenched teeth as tears fill your eyes. “That you’ll never leave me again. I mean it!”  
The doors to the lift hiss open but Kylo stands still. “You will never be alone again,” he tells you. “I will have the entire Galaxy at my feet and you by my side.” You stare at him through narrowed eyes as he exits the lift, still holding you.  
“It’s true then?” you ask. “Snoke is really dead? And it’s you. You’re the new supreme Leader. It’s true, isn’t it?” Kylo continues looking straight ahead as he walks down one corridor and another. After a long pause, he speaks again.  
“It’s true,” he says. “But you don’t need to bother yourself with the details. Just know that you are safe now and will continue to be so. No one will ever touch you… or us.”  
You want to congratulate him, or bow to him. You want to claw through that damn mask and kiss him. But it stays firmly in place as you approach his quarters. He carries you all the way to the bedroom and deposits you safely into the middle of the bed before taking it off.   
Rising up onto your knees, you crawl down the bed toward him, but he stops you and gently grabs your shoulders. “Lie back down,” he orders you. “There will be time enough for you to seduce me later.” You frown up at him, pouting as you settle yourself back onto the pillows.  
Kylo removes his cape and cowl and undoes his belt, allowing it to fall to the floor before lying down next to you and taking you into his arms. “You can sleep now,” he whispers and kisses your forehead. “I’ll be right next to you when you wake. And every moment after that.”  
Heaving a big sigh and breathing in his distinctive scent, you settle into his arms. “Love you,” you mutter as you drift to sleep.   
“I love you too,” he answers.


	19. Power Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With nothing but time and each other's company on their hands, Kylo and wife begin to reunite in earnest.

You awake what could be several hours or several days later. At any rate, it’s almost dark in Kylo’s bedchamber. Your body is stiff, as if you haven’t so much as rolled over the entire time you’ve slept. But the bed is warm and you hate to move. Especially with the warm body pressed head-to-toe against your back and the arm draped over your middle.   
“Light”, you whisper as the dim bedside lamp comes on. You focus on the hand resting on your stomach and how long and beautiful his fingers are. It’s his right hand and lovely though it is, you can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever don a ring on his other hand. Perhaps one that matches yours.   
You remember Snoke, his gold robe and his jewelry. You wonder if Kylo will have the same need of material objects as Supreme Leader and you doubt it. Surely, he would allow himself a wedding ring though. Maybe you’ll find that jeweler on Coruscant that he mentioned and have one custom made for him.  
You sigh and stretch out your legs, rolling over in his embrace. He continues sleeping as you drink in the sight of his face. Of course, he’s gorgeous when he’s awake, full of wrath and raw power, but the quiet peace that steals over him when he sleeps makes him almost unbearably beautiful.   
You’d let him sleep forever if it meant he’d always be this at peace. And though your heart may be in the right place, your body, of course, has other ideas as you lean in the press your lips to his. It’s been a long time and you positively ache for him.  
Watching his eyes flutter open at your kiss makes your heart flutter in time. He blinks at you, seemingly a bit bemused at first and you smile at his confusion. “Sleep well?” you ask.  
“Mmmmhff,” he mumbles as he pulls you closer, burying his face in your hair. “And why are you awake?” he asks, his voice muffled. “I thought I told you to rest.”  
“You can’t keep me asleep forever, you know,” you sigh as you feel his lips on your ear. “And I want you to fuck me.” He pulls away from the kiss and away from you. Feigning shock, he looks at you through wide eyes.   
“Such language,” he teases, shaking his head. “Well, you’ll be glad to know that I spoke to your doctor and he agrees that intercourse is still safe.” Intercourse! You bury your head Kylo’s chest in embarrassment. Why is someone always talking to someone else about you?! Your powers, your pregnancy. Now suddenly your sex life is the entire First Order’s business.  
“I don’t want ‘intercourse’” you tell him. “I want you! Your cock and your mouth…. I want this, I want this off!” you tug at the rough fabric of his tunic in frustration. Right now, any and all obstacles that stand between his skin and yours are unacceptable.   
You push him away from you. “I will destroy your clothing,” you warn him. “I will rip it off with my mind alone and leave it in a smoldering pile on the floor. Undress. Now.” Kylo rises from the bed and smirks at you, only too happy to oblige.   
Making short order of your hospital gown, you hear the fabric rip as you tear it off over your head. “Fuck this damn thing,” you mutter as you throw it across the room. You’ve had enough of hospitals and hospital gowns and, in this moment, you’re perfectly content to stay naked forever. Naked and pregnant, chained at the Supreme Leader’s feet. The image sends a shiver down your spine and a rush of heat between your legs.  
Kylo meanwhile, is occupied with slowly removing layer after layer of his clothing. You sigh, both in frustration and arousal. “Are you going to continue to torture me?” you ask. “I know you can take off your clothes faster than that. You just want me to suffer,” you pout, glowering up at him as pulls his tunic up over his head, revealing his chest.  
He smirks at you, holding your gaze. “Suffer?” he muses. “Only in the best way, my love.” You sigh and roll your eyes, flopping back onto the pillows. So much for you seducing him. You should have known that this would be on his terms. It always is. He loves being the one initiating anything and you love to watch him inevitably fall apart under your fingertips.  
Well, two can most certainly play at that game. “It’s all right,” you tease, as Kylo slowly undoes his trousers. Your hand hovers between your legs. “I’ll just… get started without you?”  
“No!” Kylo’s hand shoots out from the fastenings on his pants and you find your own hand, still above your cunt, but unable to move. ‘Oh, you bastard’, you think. Only Kylo Ren would be so bold to use the Force on his pregnant wife during foreplay. Despicable. You love him.   
“Don’t move,” Kylo growls. “Nobody touches you before I do.” Paralyzed though your arm may be, the rest of you remains fully functional. Functional enough to wrinkle your nose at him and hiss through gritted teeth, “Let me go.”  
“Will you be a good girl and wait for me?” Kylo asks as his trousers drop to the floor. His cock is beautiful, erect and engorged, pulsing full of blood.  
“I’ll be good,” you pant as you stare at him. The feeling in your arm returns as its control returns to you and you wipe the sheen of sweat off your forehead. “I’ll be very good.” The ghost of a smile tugs at Kylo’s full lips as he gazes down at you.  
“I’m certain you will,” he muses as he crawls up the bed toward you. Before he can respond properly, you lunge at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his. He responds to your kiss eagerly as the two of you struggle to regain your balance. He parts your lips with his tongue and all too eagerly, you grant him access to your hungry mouth.  
Feeling his hard cock bobbing against your swollen stomach is almost more than you can bear and sends you into a dizzying wave of lust. “Gods, I fucking want you,” you whisper as you trail kisses down his jaw and neck.   
Mimicking your lips’ movement, your hand drifts from his shoulder, trailing light scratches down his chest, to rest, fingers wrapped tightly around the base of his cock. “Will you stay this hard for me forever?” you ask and you slide your hand up to the head. “Will, you, Supreme Leader? Will you think of me as you destroy the Resistance and touch yourself like this? Will you kill them all for me?”  
Kylo groans low in his throat and throws his head back onto his shoulders. “All of them,” he sighs. “All for you.” You smile against the slick skin of his chest, not doubting his words for a second. The Galaxy will fall at your feet and, together, you’ll revel it its ashes.   
Moving torturously slowly at first, but building up to a quicker pace, you continue to stroke him. Your mouth discovers one of his nipples and you latch your mouth onto it, flicking your tongue over the hard nub. Kylo, meanwhile, has bent his head over yours and is peppering your hair with kisses. You feel his chest move with every heaving breath he takes.   
Twisting your wrist as you reach the head of his cock again, you catch the bead of precum there and smear it lightly over his slit. Kylo moans as your thumb slides over him. “I could come in your hand, if you keep this up,” he warns. “All over those pretty fingers.”  
Pulling away from his chest, you look into his eyes as you raise your hand to you mouth, licking his juices from each finger. “Or in my mouth?” you tease. “You’ve done that before, haven’t you? Made me choke on your cock?”  
Fingers still in your hair, Kylo grabs a handful and forces your head back, crashing his lips onto yours. You feel him shudder as he tastes himself on your tongue and you scrape your nails up his back, leaving a trail of precum in their wake.  
His lips work their way from your mouth down to your jaw and neck, where they eventually settle, Kylo’s tongue slowly delving into the dip of your collarbone as you draw a shaky breath. “I want to leave marks all over you, (Y/N), so everyone that you belong to me. Little bruises all over your body so that the whole Galaxy knows you’re mine.”  
“What a ridiculous thing to say,” you counter. “Everyone knows I belong to you. They’ve always known. Even before I did. Gods, Kylo that feels good!” you interrupt yourself as you feel his teeth scrape over the sensitive skin of your chest, moving down your breast.  
“They can see me,” you continue. “They can all see me. See the marks all over my skin and see me pregnant with your fucking child. Even if they can’t see us behind closed doors, with your cock deep in me.”   
“Speaking of that…” Kylo says against your nipple. “I think your efforts at seducing me have worked.”   
“Me on top!” you tell him as you seize his shoulders and push him back onto the bed. “Do I really look horrible pregnant” you ask as you straddle his hips, suddenly self-conscious with him looking up at your swollen belly and heavy breasts.  
Kylo reaches a hand up and gently slaps your cheek. “Don’t even think that!” he warns. “You look gorgeous. More gorgeous than I’ve ever seen you. Beautiful and fertile and thoroughly fuckable.”  
You smile down at him as tears fill your eyes and your lip trembles. Gods, you’ll cry at anything these days. “You know what it does to me when you cry, don’t you?” Kylo asks. And you remember all the other times your tears inevitably lead to sex, after talking to him about the death of your father or after fights with your mother. You love him for his insatiable desire to distract you and make you feel better and for his odd habit of being turned on by your ugly crying face.  
“Sadistic bastard,” you whisper as his hand leaves your cheek and trails down your chest to cup your swollen breast, his thumb grazing the hard nipple.  
“Only for you, my love,” Kylo smirks as his other hand firmly guides your hips over him. You raise up on your knees, gripping him with one hand and lining up his cock with your wet entrance. You moan as you slowly sink down, impaling yourself on his length.   
It feels like forever since you’ve been with him in this way and you wince against the stretch and burn as he fills you up. “You always know how to make it hurt just right, don’t you?” you pant as you still yourself on his hips. Bracing yourself against his chest, you wait for the pain to subside before beginning to move.  
Rocking your hips, your body becomes accustomed to the sensation and pain slowly gives waves to pleasure. You sigh as Kylo’s hands drift to your hips, gently digging in his fingers as he guides your movements.  
You let him set the pace, any hopes of seducing him long past. Of course, it would end up this way, with him in charge. It always does. You cry over something stupid and Kylo fucks you. Somebody smiles at you in a corridor and he fucks you. A sparring practice between you becomes a little too heated and he fucks you on the training room floor.   
It’s no wonder you ended up pregnant, all things considered. Though you often do wonder about who tampered with your birth control. You suspect it was Snoke, but now there’s really no sense in dwelling on it. Especially right at this moment, with the current Supreme Leader’s cock buried deep inside you.  
Your thoughts snap back to reality as one of Kylo’s hands leaves your hip and snakes its way between your legs. You shiver as you feel his thumb graze your clit, his long fingers spread on your mound. Looking down, you can’t see past your stomach (damn distracting thing), so you focus on his beautiful face.  
Kylo’s eyes are closed, his long lashes fanned over his flushed cheeks and you watch as he winces as you speed your movement up. His full lips part as he sighs, his tongue running over his bottom lip.  
. “You’re so beautiful. It’s blinding,” Kylo say, looking down at you. You smile down at him. After all you’ve been through, he can still take your breath away.  
“I look at you and I can’t believe your truly mine,” he continues. “You’re the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen. Especially now.” He brings his hands up to rest on your stomach. “Especially like this.”  
You wish you could see yourself as he sees you. All you see is your stringy hair, swollen breasts and broken-out skin. Your back hurts and you’re queasy and tired all the time. But with Kylo, you become a goddess. How he does that to you, you’ll never know. But you’re glad that he does. He takes you away from yourself and out of reality just as he took you away from the Resistance, confidently and flawlessly.  
And at this moment, reality is focused entirely on the sensations starting between your legs and radiating through your limbs. You feel the first tinglings of your orgasm starting to build as you increase the speed of your hips once again.  
Kylo is panting beneath you, one hand buried between your moist folds, thumb working rhythmically at your swollen clit, while the other desperately clutches at the flesh of your hip, his nails digging into your skin.   
Bringing both hands to your hips, he sinks his fingers into the already tender skin and slams you down hard on his cock. “Kylo!” your voice sounds much louder in the dimness of his bedchamber. “You can’t…” you pant, riding his cock. “You can’t just do that!”  
“I can,” he growls, lifting you up and slamming you down again. Rocking your hips to meet his movements, your eyes drift closed and your head falls back onto your shoulders at the waves of pleasure coursing through your body.   
“No. None of that,” Kylo scolds and you yelp as he roughly pinches your nipple. “I want you looking at me. I want you to see my face when I make you come.” You look down at him, surprise apparent on your own face as he runs a calloused thumb gently over the tender flesh of your nipple. Perhaps, by way of an apology for pinching you? You decide you don’t care as he reaches down to cup both your breasts. It’s feels too good in this moment to care. And honestly, he could do whatever he wanted to you, hurt you in every way imaginable and you’d always return for more. Such is the bond between you.  
Fingers splayed on his chest, your thumb finds one of the many scattered moles there and fixates on it, rubbing it like a worry stone, like a talisman, as you massage the flesh. Kylo’s thumb, meanwhile has began its descent from your nipple back down to your clitoris and you gasp loudly as it finds its intended target. “Ooh,” you moan. “Oh, that’s going to make me…. Gods, that feels amazing…I can’t…” you babble.  
“Yes, you can.” Kylo admonishes you. “You don’t come until I say so.” His eyes bore into yours. “I want you looking into my eyes, my name on your lips. You understand me?” You nod fervently. You’ll do whatever he asks, as long as he doesn’t stop the gentle pressure and motion of his thumb on your clit.  
But the gentleness doesn’t last for long. Soon Kylo builds a frenzied pace with both his thumb and his hips and you find yourself frantically riding him, snapping your own hips to meet him thrust for thrust.   
He keeps one steadying hand on your hip and you’re grateful for it. You feel like you could fly into pieces at any moment. Your legs are shaking and your breath coming in great gasps. The thought flits through your mind that perhaps a really great orgasm could send you into premature labor and you giggle at your own stupidity. But there’s no more time for contemplation, as you feel that really great orgasm approaching fast.  
“Kylo, please,” you beg. “I need to….”  
“Need to what?” he asks, mockingly, quirking an arched brow at you. “Need to come like a good little girl?”  
“Please,” you sob as you feel the beginning tendrils of your orgasm creep through you.   
“Then do it,” he orders. “Come. Now!”  
Remembering his request that his name be on your lips, you mutter a string of “Kylo, Kylo, Kylo”s like a prayer as the orgasm rips through you and your feel your walls clench around him.  
Staring down into his face, you think you understand his earlier comment about you blinding him. He’s so beautiful, that you want to look away. His eyes are wide and the pupils dilated. His mouth is agape, his tongue slightly protruding to moisten his full lips as he gasps, his chest heaving with every breath.   
Grabbing both hips, Kylo continues to slam into your convulsing pussy and it isn’t long before his own orgasm follows, triggered, no doubt, by yours. As he grinds you into him and your feel his juices fill you, your hands scrabble at his chest, your nails digging into the flesh, leaving little crescent moons there.  
You’ve never come like this before. You think your orgasm is going to last forever before you realize you’re actually coming again. “Oh, Gods,” you cry as tears stream down your face. “This isn’t… I can’t!” This second one seems, almost impossibly, more intense than the first.  
Kylo brings a hand around from your hip, back to gently working your clit as you ride him through the shattering orgasm. Your cunt continues to clench around him, milking every last drop of come from his cock as you cry out his name again.   
Caught up in the pleasure of the sex and the emotion of your reunion, you realize just how close you came to never seeing him again and you can’t stop the tears.   
You feel his cum leaking from you as Kylo snatches you off him and cradles you in his arms and you sob. “You’ll always come back to me.” he whispers as he strokes your cheek, wiping the tears there.   
“No one will ever touch you again,” he vows as you raise teary eyes to look up at him. “I won’t allow it.” You want to claw at him, crawl inside his skin and stay there. You want to consume him and never, ever look at anything else but his face.  
Trembling in his arms, you reach out a shaky hand to touch his own face, connecting the beauty marks there with your fingers and tracing the outline of his lips.  
“Will you still destroy it all for me?” you ask, remembering his words from so long ago, from when he first kissed you and he asked if you wanted him to destroy the First Order for you.  
Now that you’ve just fucked the Supreme Leader, you feel the first tingling of fear that you could still somehow lose his to his allegiance to the First Order.  
“All of it,” Kylo confirms. And you sigh will relief. “The Knights of Ren, the First Order. We’ll bring it all down in flames if that’s what you want.”  
And you remember your own words to him so long ago. “I don’t want that,” you mutter as he presses a kiss to your sweaty forehead. “I just want you.”


	20. Self Esteem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the new stage of their lives begins, Kylo's wife finds her changing body distracting when it comes to surrendering to her husband's ministrations.

Your passion staid and your tears dry for now, you lie in Kylo’s arms, taking deep steadying breaths. Reassured by his promises of destruction and betrayal, you find yourself finally able to relax infinitesimally.  
“You’ll always have me,” he vows, running his fingers through your sweaty hair. “Even if we have nothing else.” And you believe him. More than you’ve believed anything else he’s told you. And you feel like a fool for your momentary lapse in faith in him.  
You know that big changes are on the horizon. You time as an apprentice is over and so is Kylo’s. With the power that he now wields, and the new burdens upon his shoulders, things will be different around you. But you’re certain that nothing will ever change between you.   
Kylo continues running his fingers through your hair and though it feels amazing on your itchy scalp, you squirm and shake your head under his touch. “Stop,” you scold him. “My hair is so dirty.”  
During your stay in the infirmary, the staff and your mother did their best to keep you clean, but now that you’re out of the hospital bed and the gown, you realize just how inadequate their efforts have been. From your greasy hair, down to the semen drying on your thighs, you feel positively filthy.  
“Nonsense,” Kylo argues. “It feels fine. But if it bothers you that much, I’ll go and draw you a bath. Would you like that, dirty girl?”  
You nod vigorously, ignoring the dirty girl comment. “That sounds so good right now,” you say as he rises from the bed. You watch his muscular back and buttocks retreat to the washroom and you bite your lip at the sight. Pregnancy has made your sexual appetite almost insatiable.  
But the thought of a bath quickly pushes the thought of another fuck out of your mind. You’ve spent enough time in Kylo’s quarters to learn that, the sleeping and living portions are sparse and utilitarian, but the washroom borders on luxurious. And the thought of soaking in the deep tub is practically enough to make your mouth water.  
You hear the sound of water running and drag yourself from the bed- it’s getting harder and harder to stand up these days. You pad barefooted across the room to the mirror on the opposite wall and stand, naked, in front of it.  
During your days with Snoke, you never really thought about your body. Your pregnancy was carefully monitored and every day, you would watch your breasts and stomach grow, but it was all part of the routine, sterile and separate and somehow very detached from what else you were experiencing.  
Now the recent intimacy with Kylo brings all your faults into sharp relief. Biting your lip and tilting your head, you inspect your reflection. Your hair is, of course, in need of a good washing, but it seems that no amount of washing can stop the breakouts that continually plague your face. You rub at a spot on your chin and frown at your reflection. “Dreadful,” you whisper as your eyes drift down to your chest.  
The spots left earlier by Kylo sand out in contrast against the skin of your breasts. Will they ever return to normal size, you think as you squint at your flushed nipples. Between your breasts and your belly, you feel enormous. Your body is suddenly foreign and unfamiliar and you feel itchy in your own skin.  
A sound behind you makes you glance in the mirror over your shoulder. You see Kylo approaching you from behind as he looks at your reflection. “You look exquisite,” he mumbles running his hands down your arms.  
You can’t help but scoff at his words. You’ve never felt less exquisite than you do right in this moment. “You’re delusional,” you say as you lean your head back against his chest. “And I’m disgusting,” you whisper as an afterthought. Is that a new stretch mark on your stomach?  
“If you say that again,” Kylo says calmly, “I will use the Force to keep your mouth shut.” You look into the reflection of his eyes in the mirror and are surprised to see tears there. “Biased, maybe,” he says. “But certainly not delusional.”   
He keeps one hand on your shoulder and gently cups your chin from behind with the other one. “Look at yourself,” he orders, holding your head steady as you gaze at your refection. “What man doesn’t love the sight of his pregnant wife?” he asks. “Especially if she’s as stunning as you are?”  
“Everything your body is going through, everything it’s doing right now, it’s because your carrying my child,” Kylo continues. “How could I ever be anything other than astounded by that? By you?”  
You shrug and his grip on your chin tightens. “Really look,” he commands you. “Look at your face, at your breasts, at your stomach. Now look closer,” he continues. “Look at the life within you, that you created, that you sustain. You should be worshipping yourself the way I worship you.”  
You feel the tears in your own eyes at his words. This is an old argument that you’ve had many times before, but always from the other side. Kylo never sees himself the way you do, never realizes how truly amazing he is, so much more than a killing machine or an abandoned son. A husband and a father and an absolutely extraordinary human being. Maybe there is truth to both sides or the argument and maybe you’re not as bad as your worn out and pregnant self thinks.   
At any rate, your bath is finished. You hear the water automatically shut off and Kylo drags you by the hand to the washroom. “Now stop arguing and get in the fucking bath,” he warns.   
The washroom is warm and steamy and smells vaguely familiar. A thick layer of bubbles floats over the surface of the bathwater. “Bubble bath?” you ask as Kylo gently helps you into the tub. You never had him pegged for a bubble bath kind of guy.   
“I may have…” Kylo pauses and rolls his eyes. “I may have pilfered it from your old quarters,” he admits. “You mother was…. hesitant to give it to me.” He frowns and you laugh out loud.  
“Did you take it because it smells like me?” you ask, smiling widely at him. “Did you want to smell like me while I was gone?” Part of you wants to tease him, but another part is overwhelmed by the image of the formidable warrior Kylo Ren soaking himself in the flowery perfumed bubble bath so he could smell you in your absence. And, adorable though it may be, it tugs at your heartstrings and you realize that he missed you while you were away with the same frenzied passion with which you missed him.   
“And if I did?” Kylo asks as he reaches across you and grabs the sponge affixed to the wall behind you and dips it into the water.  
“No, it’s all right,” you assure him. “It’s just sweet, that’s all. I like it.”  
You sigh as Kylo squeezes the sponge and you feel the hot water cascade down your back. “I didn’t expect you to bathe me,” you say. “I can do this myself, you know.”  
“I’m aware of that,” Kylo tells you. “I’m also aware of the fact that you could use a little pampering right now. Permit me that.”  
“I’ll grant you that much,” you tease. Kylo smirks as he reaches for the ledge that holds the soap.   
“I’m so glad that I have your permission.” He squeezes a generous amount of soap onto the sponge and rubs it over your back, creating a think lather. You sigh again, leaning into his touch.   
“I should let you do this every day,” you murmur as he scrubs your shoulders. You breathe in the scent of the soap. Everyone on the base is issued the same standard First Order toiletries and for the most part, sticks to using them. A few higher-ranking officers, Kylo and your mother for example, will go the extra lightyear and have special soaps and shampoos shipped in from exotic planets for a much luxurious bathing experience.   
You’re grateful for Kylo being a bath snob, you think as he continues scrubbing, the hazelnut scent of the soap filling the room and mingling with the flowery smell of the bubble bath. “I can if you like,” Kylo answers you. “I’ll find time to pamper you every night if that’s what you want.”  
Suddenly you seize his arm with soapy fingers as he loses his grip on the sponge and it tumbles into the water. “Tell me again,” you beg him. “Tell me that it will all be all right. You, me, everything.”  
“Of course it will,” Kylo answers matter of factly. “It’s you and me. How could it be otherwise? Now stop worrying and relax.” He retrieves the fallen sponge and continues scrubbing your back. “Your shoulders are all tense.”  
“Really?” you ask, twitching your shoulders irritably under his touch. “I’ve only been in a coma and then on bed rest for the last two weeks. I haven’t moved. I surprised all my muscles haven’t completely atrophied.” You’re pouting now and you know it. Feeling sorry for yourself again.   
“Stop sulking,” Kylo warns, gently splashing you with the warm water. “It’s unattractive. Just enjoy your bath and my company.” You wipe the water out of your eyes and glare at him.   
“Oh, I’ll enjoy you,” you tease. You glance down between his legs at his now flaccid cock and wonder if bath-sex is a possibility. At this rate, you’ll never allow him to accomplish anything as Supreme Leader.  
“I’m certain you will,” Kylo counters and pats your back. “Now, rise up onto your knees.” He takes the sponge and focuses on washing from your chest down, taking special care scrub your swollen stomach.  
“Washing the baby’s face?” you ask.   
“Hello, my son,” Kylo croons, leaning his face close to your stomach and placing a gentle kiss on the slick skin there. He drops the sponge into the water and places both hands on your belly, one on either side of your navel. “Your mother is being foolish again and feeling sorry for herself. Give her a kick and tell her to stop it.”  
Realization hits you and you ask, “You’ve never felt him kick, have you?” Of course you know the answer as Kylo shakes his head. You place your hands over his. “Leave your hands there,” you tell him. “And keep talking. He loves the sound of your voice.”  
Kylo clears his throat. “Um… hello, baby. This is your father. Can you hear me? I… I love you.” You smile down at him, running wet fingers through his hair and both of you are rewarded by a small flutter within your midsection.   
“Did you feel that?” you ask as Kylo pulls away and looks back up at you, his eyes wide and hands shaking.   
“I did,” he nods and swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing down and back up as tears fill his dark eyes. “It’s… amazing. He’s really in there.”  
“Oh, he’s in there all right,” you say. It’s silent in the washroom for several seconds as you both quietly ponder the small miracle you’ve created.  
“I can feel him sometimes, you know,” Kylo tells you. “Through you, through the Force, I can hear his heartbeat.” His beautiful face is lit up in the dimness of the washroom, full of wonder.  
“You should feel him turn somersaults,” you say. “Not quite as pleasant. And he kicks hard sometimes.” You rub your belly as you sink back down into the warm water. “Pregnancy is by far, the strangest thing that’s ever happened to me.”  
“Me too.” Kylo agrees as he takes up the sponge again. “Give me your leg.”   
Raising a dripping leg out of the bubbly water, you place one foot in his outstretched hand and allow him to rub the soap up to your thigh. “That feels really good,” you sigh, leaning back into the water.   
“Mmhm,” Kylo mumbles, his sponge creeping higher on your leg, until you feel his fingers brush your still-sensitive pussy lips.   
“Oh, Gods,” you sigh. “Not again?” Though you had your thoughts about bath sex, after the first round, you wonder if your poor, worn-out body would even survive it.  
“What can I say?” Kylo asks as he lifts your other leg from the soapy water. “I can’t keep my hands off you. Especially now, like this.” Paying careful attention to the spaces between your toes, he begins scrubbing your foot. “I know you feel pretty grotesque, but you really do need to believe me when I say that you’ve never been more attractive.”  
Rubbing the sponge up your leg, he pauses, leaving it on your knee. “You do believe me.” It’s not a question, but more of a request, almost an order. You stare down at your leg as the rivulets of soapy water run up your thigh and disperse back into the bath water and wonder why it’s so difficult to follow that particular order.  
“I’m trying to,” you answer softly. “I don’t know why it’s so hard to though. I guess I just feel like I have no control, like my body isn’t my own anymore.”  
“Of course, it isn’t,” Kylo answers matter of factly. “It isn’t yours because it belongs to our child now, to my child. And all those things that feel like they’re out of your control are now in his control.” He reaches out and gently tilts your chin up so you’re looking into his eyes. “Have faith in him now. Just like you’ve always had faith in me.”  
You nod. Dammit. Now you’re crying again. You can be emotional enough as it is. But pregnancy has made you almost hysterical. Kylo is right though. Just as his life is in your hands, your own life is now in your unborn child’s hands. And you need to trust him.  
Kylo’s hand leaves your chin to run his fingers through your hair again. “You’ve gone to incredible lengths to keep both him and yourself safe,” he says. “Your training with Snoke and then your capture by the Resistance. Your strength never wavered. Not once.”  
You know your hair is still dirty, but Kylo’s fingers entwined in it feel too good for you to be self-conscious about it.   
“Just know,” Kylo’s voice is low, but firm. “That you have never been more beautiful than you are in this moment and I have never loved you more.” He leans forward over the rim of the tub and presses his lips to yours.   
“Now succumb to your Supreme Leader. Let me take care of you.”  
You sigh and sink back into the water as Kylo’s fingers continue their soapy journey up your thigh. You trust him completely.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't help it! I'm too in love with this verse to let it go.


End file.
